Fraternal Twins Two Months Old: Checking In From the Trenches

I haven't written a blog post since my fraternal twin boys were five weeks old because, frankly, I haven't had time and when the stars align and I find myself with free time I usually take it to breathe. In, out, in, out.
Those stars don't usually align.
My boys are a few days over two months old and the chaos continues. Sometimes I faintly believe I know what I'm doing but most of the time I'm freaked out because I don't know what I'm doing and raising twins is unpredictable. Acid reflux, gas, burping, spit-up, crying jags, colic, dirty diapers, cooing, confused smiles and wet onesies. This is my life.
I'm struggling with post partum depression. My weapons are Zoloft, therapy sessions and walks with the boys. Am I winning? Who knows.
We switched from soy formula to Similiac Sensitive after switching from Enfamil to soy -- the soy caused the stinkiest gas ever found on planet Earth. One of my sons (I have children! Eeek!) is doing OK, the other is still spitting up even with the introduction of rice cereal. We went from liquid Zantac to Prevacid in the pill form. One son is taking half a pill once a day, the other is taking half a pill twice a day. This son will also be going to a specialist soon for colic, congestion (he's been nasally congested for over a month) and spitting up. He's gaining weight so I'm not concerned but he sure does cry a lot which, at his age, means there is something wrong.
Babies are supposed to cry but when my babies cry and I can't immediately soothe them I take it as an insult to myself as a mother. Shouldn't I be able to soothe my baby? Shouldn't I be able to tell the difference with their cries?
We've been living with my in-laws for over a month for extra help. Thank God for them but living with your in-laws while everyone is somewhat sleep deprived is a recipe for disaster. Hopefully we can figure out how to handle these babies by ourselves so we can go home -- possibly around the time they turn 3 months old. It has been told to us that 3 months is an important age, when they become much better manageable. I'm not holding my breath but wouldn't it be nice!

Fraternal Twins Five Weeks Old: Checking In From The Trenches

I am still pledging the fraternity of Mother of Twins and it's hard at five weeks in -- the hardest thing I've done. My fraternal twin boys eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry -- not in that order. There are occasional cry-free awake moments but they are few and far between and often followed by screams causing me not to be able to enjoy them. As I am writing this they are laying behind me in their pack 'n' play bassinet and I am on edge, listening for cries, whimpers, grunts and groans. This is what I do all day long -- separating the real cries from the cry-and-go-back-to-sleep ones and then trying to figure out the age old question: Why Is My Baby Crying?
Excuse me while I pat the back of one of the boys so he will go back to sleep ...
... OK I'm back.
It's hard because there's not much of a payoff yet. I'm sleep deprived, overwhelmed and exhausted. I have two newborns with acid reflux who recently switched from milk-based formula to soy-based and added rice cereal as well as Zantac. Is it working? ... hard to tell.
I don't know what I'm doing as I soothe screams and rub backs. It's scary but I'm doing it because, as veteran mothers of twins will tell you, it gets better and easier. It will all be worth it -- I tell myself this often.
I have spit up from yesterday on my yoga pants and spit up from today on the neck of my shirt, although I did wash my face today. I think there is spit up in my hair from the other day ... I watched "Fraiser" for about five hours yesterday morning. It's Wednesday and I've been out of the house this week once to go to Target and buy formula -- the trip felt like a vacation. When my babies are screaming in my ear, and my sways and shushing don't soothe them, it's overwhelming. It's amazing when they fall asleep in my arms.
When I look at them I can hardly believe they are my children. These past five weeks feel like five years. I have trouble asking people for help because shouldn't I be their one and only mom? Sometimes, oftentimes, I feel like they will be helpless and draining forever.
These little men eat every three hours or less, four hours is a luxury. They often feed, burp, have their diaper changed but won't go back to bed no matter what I try -- this is the worst when it's during the night. Oftentimes during the day I will soothe one just in time for the other one to start wailing.
I play Baby Roulette with my husband and his parents (it takes a village), often picking the wrong baby. Last night our baby was good but I couldn't slow my mind enough to sleep. To say I'm tired wouldn't do it justice. The other weekend my mother-in-law took the boys so we could sleep but even full nights of sleep leave me tired.
I am envious and disgusted by mothers of singletons.
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.

Twins Almost A Month Old: Post Partum Depression, Guilt, Fatigue, Poop Pee Cry Repeat

My twin fraternal boys are almost a month old. Full disclosure: this adventure has sucked. That's not to say I don't love these boys and there haven't been non-suck moments but taking care of helpless creatures who only sleep, cry and poop is difficult, especially on the occasions I am alone and attempt to feed them simultaneously. Hearing two babies cry at the same time is torture. Taking care of two newborns at the same time is hard -- how can I split my time so I spend enough time with each of them? I feel guilty I feel this way about this stage in their lives but at least I'm being honest.
Less than a week after giving birth, and the second day of being home, I couldn't stop crying. I was overwhelmed and didn't want the boys. The next day I felt a little better. I thought maybe that was the worst of it and I would still feel exhausted and overwhelmed but wouldn't return to hopelessness. Well, I thought wrong because over the past few days the hormones have been raging, especially last night when I didn't think I could get through another evening. Couldn't wouldn't shouldn't. One of my sons has been dealing with a case of the extreme cries -- we think it's gas but aren't sure. Sometimes he's fine and sometimes he screams his head off which, in turn, makes me cry and want to run for the hills. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for one of the boys to cry.
Hormones hormones hormones. I sometimes wonder why I wanted to have children in the first place and what I'm doing with my life. I wonder if I will ever have joy. I get stuck in a bottomless pit of despair even when most mothers say, "It will get better." I can't comprehend they will grow older and be easier to handle, especially when many say when they are a year old it starts to get better. A year? I can't even make it through the night! Then the next morning after these thoughts I feel OK. Slowly over the course of the day the depression sinks in and takes over. Even my daily walks don't cut it anymore.
I'm going to the doctor on Monday to speak to her about it for my own sake and also for the sake of my boys. I'm exhausted and don't feel the connection with them I think I should. I get stuck in the moment. Shouldn't I be oooing and awwing over them and quick to soothe them at every cry? What is wrong with me? They deserve better!
Luckily my mother-in-law is a saint and offered to take them for the weekend so I can rest. Here I sit at home with my husband, our first baby-free evening and ... well ... I miss them. Yes, today pre-offer from my mother-in-law, I was thinking how I didn't feel like dealing with them and wanted to be alone and here I am with those wishes a reality and what am I doing? Missing them but not missing them!
There are too many factors at play here -- I don't see how I haven't gone insane. I am still recovering from my C-section (it's tender and sometimes painful), I am exhausted, overwhelmed, suffer from severe mood swings and bouts of crying and despair, yet I am supposed to be super mom? Why am I supposed to be her? I would blame it on society but there is something inside me filling me with guilt. When my depression hits I let the despair wash over me while doubling the pain by hating myself for feeling sad.
I felt guilty today when I heard the offer of a baby free weekend because my first thought was: THANK GOD. I felt guilty for leaving them with their grandparents because I needed to get away. What did they ever do to me? I'm their mother! Their mother! They only get one mother and it's me and I don't even want them half the time. I know it's the hormones and the fact mothering twins is crazy but I still can't help but feel awful. They deserve better than me.
I don't believe in absolutes -- there are many factors at play causing my severe mood swings and depression. I know I need to keep chugging along while taking help when it's offered. Yes, I'm driving to my in-laws tomorrow to see them for a bit because I miss them but I will return home afterwards for a full nights sleep because that will help me be a better mother. I know my thoughts are dark because of several factors: fatigue, hormones, this is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. It's been less than a month so I shouldn't beat myself up. It will get easier because I will get better at being a mother. I have never been a mother before, or anything like it, so why should I be an expert? I need to remind myself of these facts when the despair hits and I sink into the depression.

Twin Boys Almost Three Weeks Old: I Survived Thus Far -- Eat, Poop, Cry, Repeat

My twin boys, born Oct. 8 at 37 weeks, are almost three weeks old. Similar to when they were almost two weeks old, I am torn between "I can't believe they are almost three weeks" and "Oh my god, they're only almost three weeks! How will I survive?!"
I often wonder this -- how will I survive? This thought occurs mostly when I am alone during the day, trying to wrangle them. They cry, I often cry (sob) in response. It's overwhelming, especially when they cry in sync and it sounds like an echo. Thankfully I did what you're supposed to do and told my husband and he, in turn, enlisted the help of his father, who is retired, to help me during the week when I'm normally alone. You see, I don't need an expert. I need someone to hold and feed one of the boys while I do the same with the other. If they are fussy afterwards, I need someone to help while I attempt to get other things done like non-stop laundry and dishes or to take a nap or escape and go for a walk or sneak into the corner to eat copious amounts of dark chocolate and cry.
I've spent days alone with the boys and those days are hard. After feeding them at the same time, while stopping for burping (and hearing each one cry when you attend to the other), then changing their diapers and hoping to God they lay down for a nap or at least quietly look around the room, I hardly have time to do anything because they are more and more alert during the day and often spend this time crying. Which, in turn, starts the game of Why Is My Baby Crying? It's not a fun game.
Newborns aren't my favorite. I get overwhelmed and sometimes wonder why I thought having babies was a good idea but then they decide to fall asleep and look like angels or crack a smirk as they gaze into my eyes and I remember how much I love them. I must remember: It Gets Better. It's just hard to decipher the reason behind the cries. Dirty diaper, gas, hunger, too full, tired, bored, overwhelmed, secretly scheming to make mommy lose her mind ... who knows. I'm sure I'll figure it out just when they've mastered talking and can tell me what's wrong.

Twin Boys Almost Two Weeks Old: Hormones, Fussy Babies, Gas, Feed Feed Feed

My twin boys, born at 37 weeks, are almost two weeks old. Part of me thinks: "Wow, I can't believe they are already two weeks old!" while the other part screams: "Ugh, they're only two weeks old!" It's the endless battle of optimistic new mom and pessimistic new mom. Maybe it's the hormones, but this battle rages daily.
My life is crazy, especially as my hormones range all over the map. I can go from sobbing about how I want my old life back (because of course it has to be better than this!) and want to give the twins back (to whom, I don't know) to self-motivating myself to remember this stage doesn't last forever and I can do this.
It's been hard. Honestly, babies aren't always fun and this part can suck -- something my husband and I admit. I felt bad about my dislike for this stage but I've already gotten over it! The babies can't go more than four hours without eating and feeding them takes about an hour, if there's no fussiness and crying involved afterwards. It's hard to tell what they are crying about sometimes: gas, needing to poop, being startled, wanting to be held, hunger ... also, sometimes they cry and then, if you leave them alone, will quickly go back to sleep.
We are learning as we go with the help of the Internet, especially in the feeding department.
In the hospital, a lactation consultant advised me to breastfeed one on one boob for 20 minutes, then breastfeed the other baby on the same boob for 20 minutes, then feed them supplement (we started out using a syringe to feed them), then breastpump both boobs for 20 minutes ... every single time to build my supply. At the one week mark we went to our pediatrician and she advised me to breastfeed them both at the same time for 20 minutes and then continue the cycle, so at least one step was taken out of the equation. Well, I took the breastfeeding out entirely and simply bottlefeed then pump -- we feed them a mix of formula and breastmilk. This decision was made to save time and also, as my husband slowly ventures back to work, how am I supposed to breastfeed them at the same time alone? Yeah, not happening. I watched a video on Youtube where a woman breastfed her twins at the same time, even burping them individually mid feeding, while advising the viewing audience how simple this is to do alone. Well, she's a big, fat liar.
To try to keep sane I take a walk everyday (what will I do when the weather is bad? Go insane?) while someone watches the boys (either my husband or, on the weekends, my mother-in-law or mom), take deep breaths and repeat mantras like "it will get better" and "I can do this." Yes, my fight or flight response rears its ugly head often and, when it does, is stuck on flight. However, I figure this can't last forever either. I can't send the babies back, I can't afford a nanny and, honestly, my old life wasn't that great. Do I want to be a quitter? Am I this selfish? No. I am their mom and they need me. It's only been two weeks and IT WILL GET BETTER! It's OK to mourn my old selfish life, just as it's OK to only breastpump and bottlefeed instead of being supermom and easily breastfeeding them in tandem while baking a three-course dinner with the extra arm that magically grew out of my back overnight. I am doing my best and that's OK!

37 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Baby Boys Decide To Come Early

Last Monday, eight days ago, I ventured into my OB/GYN for a routine appointment and pre-op conversation on my upcoming C-section, which was scheduled for October 16. I was 37 weeks pregnant with twin boys and nervous and excited for another week to get ready.
Well, as they say, life doesn't care about your plans! My blood pressure tested high so, instead of risking complications, I was told to pack my bags (of course we hadn't packed yet) and head to the hospital for some tests and, most likely, birth. I was scared yet excited yet shocked. Was I ready? What is this going to be like? Were they going to send us home to wait longer or was tonight the night? I couldn't wrap my head around any of this.
Well that night was the night -- at 2:52 and 2:53 a.m. my sons were born via C-section and weighed 5.9 and 5.12 lbs. Running on adrenaline, fear, flight or fight, among other things my husband and I spent the next four days in the hospital trying to figure out how to be parents ... I don't think we'll ever figure it out.
After those four days, my mother-in-law spent the next three days with us while we tried to get accustomed to living at home with two helpless, little babies we created (I still can't believe they are our children). She helped us get some sleep (hardly any but every little bit counts) and figure out handle the hardest thing we've ever done in our lives.
It hasn't been easy. It includes hardly any sleep (and when I can sleep {i.e. sleep when they sleep} not being able to sleep), hormonal meltdowns including one lasting a few hours involving sobbing and being ready to run for the hills, poopy diapers, formula, breastmilk, pumps, stress, fatigue ... I could go on.
Well, considering I have 47 minutes until they need to feast again, I will blog later.
Embrace the chaos.

36 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Outside Stress, Getting Sick When You're Pregnant

I am 36-and-a-half weeks pregnant with twin boys and am chugging along towards a C-section finish line -- well, not without bumps in the road.
This week has been particularly difficult. No, not because of the fatigue, kankles or restless legs -- although these issues aren't helping. My dad was admitted to ICU at his local hospital Sunday for acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), which was causing his kidneys to shut down -- they were giving us a 50/50 chance he'd recover. After four days in ICU, he was moved to a regular hospital room, thankfully, but needless to say it's been stressful and he still has rehab ahead of him.
On top of this, I developed a cold. Well, at least I think it's a cold -- headache, sore throat, gunky. When I woke up with these symptoms yesterday, I also woke up with a stiff neck from sleeping on it wrong. Ouch.
All in all, I was concerned about how stress affects my pregnancy. Can the babies feel stress? Will it make them stressed? Will I go into labor early from stress? I spoke with my doctor about these concerns at my latest appointment and realized a pregnancy without stress is nearly impossible. With that in mind, some doctors say it may even be good for babies (I'm talking a normal amount of stress, not some extremely stressful, freak event) because life is not without stress and it may prepare them better for when they make their grand exit from my body. All I can do is breathe, try to relax and even try to talk it out with my babies, which will help me connect with them and also get through my stress.
I.e. saying out loud, "I am feeling sad because my dad is sick but thankfully he is getting better."
With my cold, I'm gargling salt water, eating healthy, resting, sleeping even more, drinking some orange juice but also drinking plenty of water. I'm trying to keep away from medicine even though I understand it is safe to take Tylenol.
Honestly it's hard to know what I'm feeling because of the cold and pregnancy hormones, so I'm just going to try my best and keep chugging along.

35 Weeks Pregnant With Twins - Still Waiting On Definitive Preeclampsia Test Results

I am 35 weeks pregnant with twin boys and boy do I have a case of tummy troubles. I'm gassy even though I'm not eating anything particularly bad. Perhaps it's because I have two boys, at least five pounds each, pushing my stomach into my throat!
Anyway, I was directed to call my OB/GYN today for results from my 24-hour urine test and liver test to determine if I have preeclampsia. This is particularly important because if I have the medical condition my scheduled C-section (Baby A is breech) moves from October 16 to next week. Eek! Yeah, it's only a couple weeks but whatever!
This morning I awoke at 5 a.m. having trouble breathing. Perhaps it was because, like my stomach, my two growing boys are squishing my lungs. However, it may have something to do with how my life is about to change forever and the preeclampsia diagnosis. Honestly, I wake up every hour during the night to pee and toss and turn so it didn't ruin the night. Being super pregnant with twins ruins every night while my husband sleeps like an angel floating on a cloud!
So, I rang my doctor mid-morning and she was with a patient so I awaited a return call. An hour and half later she called to tell me the lab didn't do the urine test correctly so they needed to retest it and would get back with the results later this afternoon - thank goodness I don't have to do the test over again. However, the liver test was fine so that means if I do have preeclampsia, it isn't bad because, if it was, my liver would be in bad shape.
So, the hours went by and around quitting time I decided to call for the results, especially since if I was OK I needed to continue my weekly appointments and didn't have one scheduled for next week. I called and guess what ladies and gentleman? No results! The nurse said they might get them over the weekend and, if so, my doctor may contact me. If not, I am to call Monday.
This waiting reminds me of pregnancy. You know something is going to happen but there's not much you can do until it happens. Yes, I could read about preeclampsia and get ready to have premature babies but that's about all I can do and I might not even have it! Yes, you can prepare for having children by reading everything and anything and buying every baby item known to man but, honestly, you won't know until it's 3 a.m. and you're elbow deep in poopie with two crying babies looking to you for comfort.
So ... I wait. I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to feel if I have preeclampsia. I don't feel terrible but, then again, I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant with two babies so I don't feel spectacular. Although I'm still waddling myself around the house - I don't leave home much - so I should be grateful!
I thought of something today while my mind was racing at 5 a.m. over how I am going to handle two babies. Instead of thinking, "How am I going to do this," I need to think, "OK. Let's figure out how to do this." Hopefully through the sleep deprivation and recovering from a C-section I will remember this ...

35 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Tick Tock Tick Tock, Waiting For Preeclampsia Results

I am 35-and-a-half weeks pregnant with twin boys and have heartburn from eating candy corn pumpkins. For some reason I like the pumpkins much better than candy corn-shaped pieces -- a candy corn snob.
Anyway, Tuesday, at my regular doctor's appointment, my blood pressure tested a little high so I've been on a whirlwind of worry and tests -- 24-hour urine test and a liver blood test (they took two tubes of my blood!). Apparently I needed to turn in my urine before getting pricked, according to the phlebotomist, which irritated my doctor who wanted my blood taken before the urine test so we could go over the results today at my appointment. My doctor told me next time, if they tell me something different from what she orders, then I should tell them to call her office -- so I'll be the bad guy?
So ... I went to my local lab today to drop off my jugs of pee and get pricked. Over the past 24 hours I filled the orange jug they offered and had to use a clean, empty gallon container originally used for water. My goodness it feels great to simply pee in the toilet, wipe and flush instead of peeing in a cup (I eventually threw away) so I could pour hot, stinky urine in a jug. Also, opening the fridge to make dinner and seeing two jugs of urine is not appealing.
Today I felt somewhat embarrassed so I double bagged the urine and shamefully shuffled into the building. Of course I had to wait 30 minutes for an appointment so there I sat with 2 gallons of urine watching morning talk shows featuring peppy, skinny, happy, pretty people ... ick. There was an interview with Robin Williams about his new TV show and his enthusiasm reminded me of my almost 4-year-old nephew on a sugar high. Wowza! A look into my future with twin boys coming. When I was called back to check-in, hand over my pee, and give blood, the phlebotomist glanced at my urine, looked horrified and proclaimed, "Oh my! I'm going to need a big container for all of that!"
Thanks lady. Sorry I peed too much for you. I'm only super pregnant with twins and need to drink a ton and, therefore, pee a ton.
Oh ... did I mention I'm hormonal and don't have time for nonsense?!
After pee humiliation and getting pricked, I went to my doctor's and the top number of my blood pressure went from 140 to 124, which is great! However, the lower number was 90, which is borderline bad. Boo hoo. So, my doctor wants me to take it easy and call tomorrow for my test results. If they are bad then I'm going to be a twin mama very, very soon because with twins they don't mess around. If the results are not bad, then we shall carry on. So we shall see!
My husband's response: he's excited about having the babies sooner than later. It's nice he's in a good place mentally but, honestly, I'm the one who has to go through the craziness of major surgery, enormous maxi pads, pain, learning to breastfeed, etc. So, with that in mind, it makes sense he's OK and I'm ... well ... I'm a mixed bag!
However, as he also mentioned, we're as ready as we're gonna be! Also, my stomach is 52 inches so ... yeah ... I'm ready for it not to be that big!

35 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Attack of the Killer Kankles, Preeclampsia, Restless Legs, Carpal Tunnel

I am 35 weeks pregnant with twin boys. I had a checkup last week with my high-risk doctor and it went well, as detailed in my last post. It was my last checkup with him and he lauded me for a job well done -- referring to me as a woman with a body "made for twins" (I guess that's a compliment) -- so I was optimistic. Key word is was because my optimism got slapped in the face yesterday.
My newest development was kankles and swollen feet. So, we've got swollen, numb, achy hands which, I think, resemble baseball mitts, and swollen ankles and feet -- if I press down on my feet my finger leaves an impression ... gross. I hear this is all normal so I wasn't too worried until yesterday at my doctor's appointment when it was revealed my blood pressure is high.
Now, I realize after research (Googling it) you have high blood pressure if the top number (systolic -- look at me mom, I know big words!) is 140 above and the bottom number is 90 and above. Well my top number tested at 140 so, it could be worse but, then again, my blood pressure was great throughout my pregnancy so what gives?
Well, my doctor is concerned about preeclampsia, a medical condition characterized by high blood pressure and significant amounts of protein in the urine of a pregnant woman after 20 weeks (definition by Wikipedia). If we didn't treat it then it could turn into eclampsia, which is the life-threatening occurrence of seizures during pregnancy (again, thank you Wikipedia). Yikes! I read more about it yesterday but a lot of it was over my head so I figured out the gist.
So, my doctor sent me for bloodwork and a urine sample. Not just a simple urine sample but a 24-hour urine sample where I must pee-pee in a huge orange plastic jug ... although, seven hours in I notice this jug ain't so huge because it's almost full. According to directions, this jug must be refrigerated and, if I fill the jug, I must use a clean milk or water container for excess pee. I can't wait to deliver the frosty urine tomorrow to the laboratory before getting blood taken for a liver test -- although high blood pressure is the most visible sign, liver damage is also a sign.
My pregnancy had been going so well, minus a brief gestational diabetes scare, so this new development is discouraging. I know I'm almost at 36 weeks, which is the average for twins, so I shouldn't boo hoo. I should dig deep and unearth my inner gratefulness, wherever the hell it is!

34 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Breech Baby, Trying The Optimistic Route

I am almost 35 weeks pregnant with twin boys and just saw an advertisement for peanut butter Pop-Tarts, so excuse me while I wipe drool from my chin.
Anyway, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and ...
In Corner A we have a baby weighing in at 5.3 pounds.
In Corner B we have a baby weighing in at 4.15 pounds.
My fluid looks good, their umbilical cords are healthy and everything looks great except Baby A is still breech. He decided to switch sides of my belly -- moving from my right to my left -- but he's still somewhat laying across with his feet at the bottom. Picture a yin-yang and you will be picturing the position of my boys.  So, my plan is to keep chug-chug-chugging along until my scheduled C-section in T-minus 26 days! Let's hope I make it because I want those babies bigger and healthier!
My doctors, family, friends and strangers keep saying "you're almost there" and "you're nearing the finish line!" I don't think of Oct. 16 (or whenever they are born) as a finish line. Yeah, they will be out and about and I will slowly work towards getting my new body back after being taken over by two creatures for almost nine months but I'm about to reach the starting line of the craziest adventure of my life. A mother of twin boys!
I can still hardly wrap my head about the fact I will be a mother. Aren't I still a young adult and carefree? It's Friday night -- shouldn't I be drinking wine or a crisp, clean cherry vodka tonic or a seasonal fall beer while figuring out what I'll do this weekend? I don't even have a dog, an animal most couples use for practice before the big event. What if I get overwhelmed? What if I don't have what it takes to raise twins? What if I'm a bad mom? What if I lose myself?
These thoughts, and more, typically rear their head around bedtime. At first, I entertained them and, like watering a plant, they grew. They expanded and became less thought and more of a likelihood -- the unknown started to become known in my mind with assumptions and what-ifs.
That's until I started fighting back, I started answering these doubts with little bursts of optimism -- sometimes aloud, sometimes in my mind. I acknowledge the difficulty of the situation but remind myself it will be OK. I will get through the hard times and, anyway, there's no use being Debbie Downer because the boys are coming whether I am optimistic or not. It will be better if I get my mind straight now.
I know this optimism may not be a constant when the boys are here, especially in the difficult first months and year, but I can still try. All I can do is try my best, that's all any new mother can do and should expect of herself.

34 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: The Train Is Slowing Down Before Coming Into C-Section Station

Here I sit, in a men's flannel shirt (it's a Houndstooth pattern so at least I feel a tiny bit fashionable), gray yoga pants and fur-lined men's moccasins enveloping my swollen feet. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with twin boys ... or pools of molten lava, jury's still out. My hands ache and are numb, I have some lower back pain and in my vaginal area, am sore, restless legs are more restless, I'm exhausted but can't sleep ...
Sleep, perchance to dream ... what a load of crap. I've had some allergy problems recently, probably because Mother Earth ain't sure if it's fall or Indian summer, so I take Benadryl Allergy at night (as suggested by my OB/GYN). It helps me sleep a little but not much. I can't fall asleep until midnight to 1 a.m. Then I wake almost every hour, sometimes to pee, sometimes to chug water as if I haven't been chugging water all the ding dong day. Then, by mid-morning, I'm exhausted.
Mentally, I am doing OK. When I was a newspaper editor, a few years ago, I took out my stress by double checking windows and doors at night before bedtime -- Boogey Man Patrol. After quitting, this obsession stopped. Now, it's reared its ugly head, which means I am stressed about my twin boys who will be here in a month or less. Although, I'm starting to feel better because we've gotten almost everything ready and also because of a Facebook group.
Yeah, a Facebook group: The Official Group of National Organization of Mothers of Twins Club, Inc. Basically, I Googled "Twin Facebook Group" and, voilà, I found this group. It's very helpful. Mothers and expectant mothers of twins post questions and receive a wide range of answers. It helped me realize every child is different so it's going to be a lot of learning-as-you-go but it's nice to have a community of women with similar experiences, especially since I live in the boonies and am not the most social person. I know these connections, although through cyberspace, will come in handy as I raise my twins.
We have the nursery set up for the most part, figuring we may rearrange as we start caring for the boys. We have a pack-n-play (still in the box) for our bedroom so they can sleep close to my boobies for the first week or so. We have a double stroller, although it only came with one converter for our car seats ... as if we'd only want to keep one child in their car seat. Lame but the stroller was a gift so we shouldn't complain. Also, we put the stroller together and it folds up quite nicely ... but we are having trouble figuring out how to unfold the damn thing. Of course.
We have a hospital bag ready ... well except for being filled with necessary items. The empty bag is sitting near the back door ... so ... yeah ... we should start filling it up soon. I have a C-section scheduled for Oct. 16 but recently have been feeling pressure from Baby A. Throughout my pregnancy, I haven't felt him too much, Baby B is the show stopper. My OB/GYN was OK with this because it's only bad if his movements change. Well, over the past few days I've definitely felt movement and pressure down below. We have a doctor's appointment Thursday so we shall see if he's still in the breech position but I think the babies want out!
I'm ready to have my body back and start the healing process that goes on after pregnancy but I know 34 weeks is a little early for twins -- I'm pushing (not literally) for 38!

33 Weeks Pregnant With Twins -- How Much Weight Am I Supposed to Gain Again?

Here I sit, 33-1/2 weeks pregnant with twin boys with a heating pad on my aching back and "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" on my TV screen.
I was browsing Facebook today and someone -- a stick-thin acquaintance -- shared a recipe for Hot Fudge Peanut Butter Pie complete with a picture of a gooey, luscious slice. It looked smooth, mouthwatering and delicious, getting my hormones all hot and bothered and my huge panties in a bunch. Another Facebook friend -- not so stick-thin -- shared one for Buckeye Brownies ... peanut butter, chocolate, mmm. Later, I elegantly waddled into the kitchen to prepare a bowl of plain steel cut oats and, while pouring oats from the container, spy a recipe for oatmeal cookies on the container. I'm being taunted.
I've gained weight. Yeah, a good amount of weight. Fifty pounds. There, I wrote it out. In the beginning of my pregnancy, my OB/GYN told me I should expect to gain 35-55+ but it's different when you've gained the weight than when you're thinking about the weight you will gain. Maybe I am carrying the heaviest babies known to man (somebody call Guinness!) or I've just gained a lot of weight. I'm 6' so it's not horrible and my doctor isn't worried about my weight but this is the most uncomfortable I've felt in my life and, as a girl who was 6' in sixth grade, believe me I've felt uncomfortable a lot. I feel as sexy as a bag of Russet potatoes, avoiding mirrors and cameras like I avoid unpasteurized cheeses and raw fish.
I eat pretty healthy and typically eat the same items everyday except for a couple treat meals on the weekend because Saturday is treat day in my house!
Weekday Meals
Breakfast: omelet with spinach and tomato, serving of cereal with banana and almond milk, prunes
Snack: serving of rice cakes
Lunch: serving of meat, carrots, serving of oatmeal (plain steel cut oats) even though it gives me raging heartburn
Snacks throughout afternoon: peach, apple, walnuts and raisins (raging heartburn), snack bar (sometimes all of them, sometimes not)
Dinner: serving of meat or serving of cottage cheese or yogurt, cooked vegetables like broccoli and cauliflower with a little cheese, fruit, two slices of bread with hummus or avocado
The only middle-of-the-night snack I've had is coconut water to help combat restless legs.
I think I've done pretty well. On the weekend anything goes -- like this weekend I am making homemade pumpkin bread and am interested in meals ranging from Chinese food to ... well ... I'm super pregnant so anything. Can I get an amen!? My cravings range from macaroni and cheese to iced cinnamon rolls to salads drizzled in ranch dressing to peanut butter anything. Typically these cravings stem from seeing an advertisement or restaurant and going, "Oooo, Chinese food. I want Chinese food." My poor husband has to hear these statements but, thankfully for him, his "sympathy weight" has been about 5-10 lbs. He still looks great, which makes my roly poly butt even more difficult to handle.
Pre-pregnancy I typically ate the same items during the week, minus a few snacks, and had my treats on the weekend but I made up for it by working out -- I was into running and some weight lifting: definitely not Hans and Franz from the old SNL sketch but 15 to 20 lb. weights. Now I take a swim class once a week and stretch daily but that's definitely not running three miles and pumping iron. The only thing I'm interested in pumping nowadays is a danish to my lips.
I'm looking forward to not being so large. I figure it will take a long time to take this weight off -- at least as long as it took to put on -- but I don't like looking in the mirror. Yes, I know I am carrying two babies who are healthy and growing strong. Yes, I know I don't have gestational diabetes or any complication and my doctor is OK with my weight gain but, as women, we are programmed to diet. Magazines, celebrities, the media -- they tell us to workout, eat healthy, lose weight. Now, when we're pregnant, we are supposed to be growing a human life but, a la Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson's crucifying, we worry about gaining too much weight. It's sad.
For the pregnant women who workout diligently throughout the nine months and gain a tiny amount of pounds (Princess Kate Middleton), that's fine. Good for you. However, for those of you who don't ... it's OK. It's not about your waist line, it's about the health of your child(ren). Maybe I can remember this too!
I have a C-Section scheduled for October 16 currently, unless I go into labor before and/or Baby A decides he no longer loves living the breech life. Frankly, I think the poor little man is out of room down there but I ain't no doctor. As for the C-section, it reminds me of my pregnancy pounds. All I can do is eat healthy and try my best, if the pounds add up ... I can't worry. Likewise, all I can do is motor on and if I have a vaginal delivery, fine. If I have a C-section, that's fine too. I can't worry about everything or I will lose my mind.

33 Weeks Pregnant With Twins -- Exhausted, Hormonal, Ready For Babies ... I Think

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with twins and officially hit rock bottom. No, I'm not eating Ben & Jerry's out of the carton ... although that sounds lovely. I am watching a movie, in the middle of the day, on the Lifetime Movie Network and I haven't changed the channel. Honestly, it's not that bad but, then again, it's not that great either.
I've been working from home more and more and officially spend a lot of time here so I'm trying to get used to daytime TV. I moved on from the Investigation Discovery channel because I'm having a hard enough time sleeping at night -- I couldn't fall asleep until 3 a.m. last night -- so I don't need to watch TV shows about real-life boogiemen/women. So, here I am, watching junkie mom Anne Heche and her daughter, Kristen Bell, who's trying to keep the family together. Women, tears, Lifetime.
Why is there nothing on TV during the day or am I a rube? Please, help! With twin boys coming in less than 5 weeks, I have a feeling I will be watching weird TV shows in the middle of the night and during the day while attempting to breastfeed two at once. One of my sisters recommended a Real Housewives show, I think LA or somewhere fancy, but I don't need to watch spoiled, Botoxed bimbos complain about caviar and white wine while I'm unwashed, exhausted and cleaning poop off butts. Milk is leaking out of my breasts and they're in a catfight over wearing the same outfit to a party ... I'll pass.
I still get daily e-mails from Baby Center about baby-related information, which, for the most part, are helpful but I've stopped reading baby books. I'm reading "50 Shades of Grey." Although, the book is rather corny. I am reading it because I need a distraction but also because women are in a fit over Charlie Hunnam being selected as Christian Grey so I wanted to see why the fuss. So, there's a girl who is about to graduate from college and she's never had sex and never gotten drunk ... instead she's interested in English literature yet she's beautiful but doesn't know it and a billionaire hunk is interested, like obsessed interested, in her becoming his submissive. Maybe I've got bigger fish to fry in my life or feel as sexy as a wet, brown paper bag or, like Sweet Brown, ain't got time for that but ... how stupid is that? His touch tingles her belly, deep into her sex. Give me a break. Is this what women want ... I ponder this while Baby B kicks me in the rib before getting a mean case of the hiccups.
I can't help but wonder if I would have liked this book better pre-pregnancy but have a feeling it's ridiculous no matter where I am in life. I also wonder if post partum I will ever feel sexy again.
Really, it all boils down to this: I am reading this trash because I feel overwhelmed when I read about baby stuff online. I reached my quota. Once I'm changing diapers and breastfeeding, it will be different but there's not much more I can do because I learn by doing, not by assuming. I'm not ready for babies but, hell, I'll never be ready so bring on the chaos!

32 Weeks Pregnant With Twins - Hooray, I'm Not On Bedrest

I am 32 weeks pregnant with twin boys and hip, hip, hooray, I am not on bedrest -- knock on wood. That's not to say I am tap dancing through life, but I can still do things ... just in slow motion. Also, the list of things I can do diminished and continues to diminish.
I am currently working part time and went to my office one day this week (it's about an hour each way), which wasn't awful but I'd rather not do it again. Thankfully I think I'll be working from home from now on. Also, I'm still taking a prenatal swim class once a week for an hour -- swimming makes me feel amazing! I could sleep in that pool!
Maybe I should sleep in the pool because night time is no longer the right time for sleep. I drink more than two gallons of water a day (I'm not kidding) but still have restless legs before bed and occasionally during the day. The ocean I consume also causes me to pee a couple times at night -- not as many times as one would think for drinking so much. The odd thing is I sleep on my side and I'll wake up without the urge to pee. However, I've learned I do have to pee but I need to roll over and sit up to feel the urge. I also sometimes wake with a panicky feeling and need to drink a huge glass of water or more and/or stretch to relax. As I type this I have restless legs and need more water.
I've been reading about breastfeeding, as I want to breastfeed my twins, and understand my thirst will grow. I can hardly imagine being thirstier.
Another issue is carpal tunnel, especially in my right hand. I've been struggling with this for weeks and it's gotten worse -- some pain and major numbness. Hopefully after birth this issue will eventually go away.
After giving birth. Oh yeah, I will have twin boys in less than six weeks. It's hardly believable. Hubby and I are almost done putting together the nursery and gathering must-haves. I still need to pack a bag for the hospital -- and figure out what to put in there -- and get a few odds and ends but I figure I'll still need a few things after delivery because we will be figure-it-out-as-you-go parents. That's not to say we are clueless -- we've taken classes, read books (I've read more than Mr.) -- but we definitely will be novices. Hence the title of my blog, we are rubes.
I'm excited but scared with a fear that rears its ugly head around bedtime but my husband is Bob Marley -- It's gonna be alright. I want to be somewhere in the middle because I figure his optimism may wane after the boys are home. It's unfair to think my brain can handle something as life changing and crazy as having twins, so I should relax. However, if you think about it, carrying these babies for 32 weeks helped me somewhat realize this shit is happening -- although I can't wrap my head around it! He, however, will need to wait until the babies make their great escape to know, yes, this is real! You haven't been dreaming, I haven't just been getting fat for months!

31 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys: Tired, Sore, Aches, Pains, Carpal Tunnel, Hormonal, Babies Coming Soon

I'm 31 weeks pregnant with twin boys and when I wake in the morning I feel as if I ran a 5K during the night (I was going to say marathon but, let's be honest, I have not, and will never, run a marathon). The soreness is worst above my knees but today my right arm wanted in on the fun!
I've had carpal tunnel for a couple weeks and it's grown worse. I purchased the beautiful braces and they worked for a time but last night nothing helped my poor right hand. Numbness, pain shooting up my arm, pain in my hand, swelling ... it was no good and continued into the day. I tried to lean my arm over the side of the bed, thinking the blood would flow into my hand but the issues weren't relieved. I tried placing my hands above my head on a pillow but that didn't do the trick either. The only comfort I've found is wrapping my hand in a heating pad -- ice packs don't help. The heating pad doesn't relieve the discomfort, especially numbness, but it helps. Couple this issue with restless legs, waking up short of breath and not being able to sleep well because I'm uncomfortable and I loathe going to bed at night. Last night I went to bed at 10 p.m. and fell asleep at 3 a.m. Yuck.
I should be grateful I'm so tall - 6' - because if I was shorter this would be worse. However, it's hard to put on a Joker grin when you feel like Humpty Dumpty. Picture a 6' tall Humpty Dumpty. Frightening. Also frightening is the slight swelling of my feet. I tried on shoes the other day - I need comfortable choices for fall/winter since last year I was wearing non-mommy shoes - and found my regular size 12 to be somewhat tight. Dear God, it's me, the size 12 shoe girl. Please, oh please, don't make my feet grow larger permanently because size 12.5 or 13 is incomprehensible. Thanks. I understand people who are 6' shouldn't be wearing size 8 shoes but come on! I can hardly find shoes as it is! I found some 12W Aerosoles on Amazon but am not thrilled.
In addition to being grateful I am tall, I am grateful my twins are healthy. My last appointment was Thursday and they were 3.7 and 3.11 lbs and healthy all around! As a baby maker, that's my worst fear - I did something to hurt them because you can't help but blame yourself for problems that arise. Thankfully they are doing well but, as my husband pointed out, they grew 1.7 and 1.6 lbs since their last checkup four weeks prior. This makes me wonder if, in four weeks at my next checkup, they'll be at a good size - not too big, not too small - because size is a stressor for women pregnant with twins. Will I make it to 38 weeks? Will they be big enough? Will they be healthy? Are they growing at a good rate and are they similar in size? Taking care of twin newborns is scary enough but newborn twins with health problems? Eek.
There are so many worries, so many problems I can Google and stress over, prenatal and postpartum. I am trying to balance myself in a place between nonchalant and high strung mama-to-be because I know stress isn't good for my boys. I've been doing OK with this by reminding myself there's nothing I can do about things like a C-section vs. vaginal or problems that could arise. I also try to do deep breathing, especially when I wake up struggling to breathe in the middle of the night (which is happening more often - it feels like stress but can be relieved with a Nalgene of water and deep breathing {I drink my water out of a Nalgene - 32 oz bottle - which helps me keep track of my drinking}). However it's hard when strangers often comment on my pregnancy and, after hearing I'm having twins, say sarcastically, "Oh wow, good luck with that!" Yeah ... thanks for the optimism.
Anyway, I'm excited to meet my babies soon, although I can hardly believe it, but am also scared!

30 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys - Living Large, Losing Ability to Care

I'm laying in bed with mismatched wrist braces on to help combat nighttime carpal tunnel. I have on a pair of gaucho pants - which my husband refers to as my MC Hammer pants - and a tank top chosen because it fits. I have restless legs creeping up and feel like a beached whale. All in all, not a good look.
When I go out in public I mostly try, as in a decent outfit selected from items that still fit and a coating of makeup (although my skin has been looking pretty good lately - except for the dark circles under my eyes). However, I'm on the verge of not caring. I wore jean shorts to work today. Yeah. Jean shorts. Well, that's more because I was moody.
I went for my three hour glucose test this morning since I failed the one hour test (by 2 points). I made an appointment online, fasted and woke up early to get there on time. When I arrived I was told I needed to make the appointment via phone, not online. Well that would have been helpful to know yesterday! I was pleasant to the woman and made my appointment for the next day but my thoughts were not so nice, especially since I didn't sleep well the night before. So I drove home, ate breakfast and drove to work so I could attend a lovely three hour teleconference and spend the rest of my day listening as my young replacement played horrible new music I've never heard of while singing along. #hellonearth
I had a contraction Friday night, one Saturday night and one today - they hurt pretty bad but my mother told me they are mild compared to the ones I'll have later, which was an uplifting comment. I had a woman come up to me, exclaim I was pregnant, place her hands on my stomach and proceed to ask me personal question after personal question. I get heartburn, sometimes after a meal and sometimes when I'm hungry, my feet are fat, I'm tired, my nipples hurt, my body aches, I'm moody and hormonal. I used to be a tall, confident, athletic woman and now I'm ... who knows. So, I'm a little crispy. I don't know if I'm ready for my babies to come, and I know it would be best if I made it to 38 weeks, but I'm beginning to understand why women in their third trimester are eager for delivery.

29 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys - Glucose, Fatigue, Restless Legs, Mama Train Is Slowing Down

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with twin fraternal boys. I'm feeling more pregnant as each day passes -- fatigue, carpal tunnel, other aches and pains, moodiness, going from sitting to standing takes a few tries. I've upgraded from a confident strut to a less confident waddle.
However, I was feeling confident in my pregnancy until my latest doctor's appointment this past Monday. I learned I failed my one-hour glucose test by two points -- the cutoff point is 140 and I scored 142. My sister had gestational diabetes during her first pregnancy and then, shortly after giving birth, developed diabetes so I'm on edge. I'll be taking my three-hour glucose test Monday, so we shall see.
Later during my appointment I began to feel light headed, on the brink of passing out. My doctor had me lay down and took my blood pressure both at rest and sitting up. The results were normal so she recommended adding a small amount of sea salt to my diet (I don't eat a lot of processed food). It was scary but hasn't happened since, although it's been less than a week. I also complained about my hands -- they grow numb during the night and hurt in the morning and most of the day -- and was told it's most likely carpal tunnel so I bought a lovely beige hand brace with Velcro straps, the perfect accessory for late summer fashion. Who am I kidding? I've embraced the land of dressing in whatever still fits. I used the brace for the first time last night and it seems to help some (Before I literally couldn't stir my eggs in the morning for breakfast, my hand hurt that bad).
No, this isn't preclampsia or any of the other severely dangerous complications that can go along with a twin pregnancy but it was a bit of a shock after having a healthy time. You read horror stories online -- or hear them from rude strangers and friends -- but never think they'll happen to you. Hell, you can hardly wrap your head around being pregnant with twins in the first place, let alone adding complications into the mix.
However, as I venture further into the land of trying to be the nice person I want my sons to be, I should be grateful. I am 29 weeks pregnant with twins -- will be 30 weeks in three days -- and I am not on bedrest. I am able to do things like swimming and work, although I tire easily, and am overall doing well.
As I've read in the twins book I'm reading -- "Ready Or Not Here We Come" -- you need to have a sense of humor if you're going to survive mothering twins. At the same doctor's appointment this past Monday I got my RH factor shot -- I hardly passed biology so it might be better if you Google it instead of me giving you the gist.
Anyway, a nurse comes into my room and tells me she has my shot. I glance and notice a sizable needle and, as I am not a huge fan of needles, I mention its size and that I won't be looking while she pokes me. "Oh don't worry honey, I need to stick this into your butt so you won't be seeing anything anyway," she said. I thought my husband would die of laughter.
As we attempt to ready our home for babies and I attempt to keep them in my belly for as long as I can, I will remember to laugh, enjoy the silence, and be grateful!

28 Weeks Pregnant With Twins - Hormones Raging, Restless Legs Growing More Restless

I am 28 weeks pregnant with twin boys. Well 28-and-a-half-weeks -- does that count? Anyway, knock on wood, I don't have many complaints. That's not to say it's been a handbag full of rainbows - I have some complaints - but compared to other woman pregnant with multiples, it ain't bad. My complaints are: restless legs are more restless, fatigue, poor sleep quality, and, cue the music, randomly raging hormones.
I sobbed for a full minute the other day. Yes, sobbed. Why you ask? I called my insurance and couldn't get a live person on the phone and the computer operator was useless. First I screamed at the computer then I sobbed -- hopefully computers don't have feelings. After sobbing, I wiped my tears and shrugged it off -- it was like going from 0 to 60 instantly. Weird! I finally heard back from my insurance -- I asked them whether a breastpump would be covered and learned they will cover a year-long rental of a hospital-grade pump (or purchasing other types of pumps if I choose that route)! So, hip hip hooray for me and the boys because I want to give them breastmilk for a year, boob or bottle.
I shared this moment of insanity with mothers I know and received assurance this is normal. It's funny what people tell you though. I was in line at Wal-Mart the other day and my checkout person was moving particularly slow -- mostly chatting with someone she knew and blabbering on and on to anyone in earshot. Finally she said, "Sorry I'm so slow honey. You aren't going to give birth right now are you?" I was taken aback. What kind of person asks a stranger this? I said, "No" but wanted to tell her, "Yes, how did you know my birth plan was painfree in a Wal-Mart?"
I also heard from other mothers glucose tests are disgusting -- a woman even told me she nearly vomited from the concentrate you have to drink. I had my glucose test done today and the drink concentrate wasn't that bad -- a little gross to have first thing in the morning. It reminded me of a chilled Little Hug -- those tiny, sugary drinks shaped like barrels I drank when I was young. Which, in turn, makes me laugh at mothers obsessed with organic this and organic that because, hey ladies, I drank Little Hugs! I ain't all that bad! I'm going to try to feed my boys healthy food (with a menu sans Little Hugs) but I won't stress over a treat every now and then -- everything in moderation.
Anyway, let's weave back from my Little Hug sidetrack to my one-hour test today, which included Fruit Punch flavored concentrate and three vials of blood. I get my results Monday, so we shall see.
One of my sisters had gestational diabetes and, not long after giving birth, developed diabetes. So, I'm a bit on edge but she was very sick before she learned she had gestational and I feel OK so I don't want to borrow trouble. Whatever I learn Monday isn't going to change by worrying the entire weekend beforehand.
Another thing from other woman I've heard concerns food cravings. I'm definitely more interested in food than I was pre-pregnancy but I don't have overpowering cravings except ... I'm addicted to ice cubes. I like to fill my water bottle about halfway with them, cover them with water, and munch away like a bear. I should be thankful I'm not addicted to some high caloric or fat item -- although any time there is mention of said items, especially cake, my interest peaks.
Speaking of cake, I had my baby shower last weekend. It was very fun and we received a lot of nice gifts. It's hard to figure out what you need -- besides the obvious cribs, car seats, that sort of thing. Right now we have two cribs, two mattresses, two pack-n-plays, two car seats, a video monitor, double stroller, first aid essentials kit, two diaper genies (my anti-stink hubby insisted one for each floor of the house), a bassinet, a swing, two bouncers, a humidifier, a bathtub, small pack of bottles, and clothes. I'll need more bottles but should probably wait until I know what breastpump we are getting (which we are planning to rent right after birth), crib sheets ... I guess I should figure this out! Tick tock!

26 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys - Fatigue, Restless Legs, Excited For Baby Shower, To Breastfeed Or Not

In two days I'll be 27 weeks pregnant with twin boys and I sometimes feel like a machine stuck on repeat. Wake up, drink water, eat healthy food, drink more water to keep nighttime restless legs at bay, eat more healthy food, rest, maybe walk/swim, rest, think about eating cinnamon rolls, tell self not to eat cinnamon rolls, eat cinnamon rolls, eat tums, drink more water at night because restless legs are irritating, repeat. Sadly for me, but better for my unborn sons, I don't eat cinnamon rolls everyday but everything else about this daily formula is constant (at least during the week). It's weird to think of pregnancy this way, with more focus on its mundane nature instead of the miracle of life. I should be thankful because pregnancy can quickly move from mundane to frightening. I'm lucky my main gripe is restless legs and a yeast infection I just got (although I hear this is normal because, as a pregnant woman, my immunity is down).
Here I sit Saturday afternoon, full from a big lunch (the weekday is for healthy food and the weekend is for healthy food mixed with treats), and am positioned just right on the couch with pillows cushioning my left side, right side and belly. I don't have restless legs yet, they typically start later in the evening, so I'm guzzling water with ice (I love chewing ice) to attempt to ward them off but know, no matter how much I drink, they'll come. Oh yes, they'll come. I drink more than two gallons of water a day, guzzling water at night until the restless legs shut up and settle down. I wake a few times in the night to pee, obviously, and drink more water, then wake in the morning and start guzzling. It's insane but my body is thirsty!
So what's new pussycat? My bridal shower is next weekend, put on by my sister, mother-in-law and sweet mama. As the day grows closer, I can't help but reminisce about my bridal shower three years ago. I'm not a big fan of being the center of attention and large groups, so at my bridal shower I had a few glasses of vino. Next weekend I'll have to suck it up sans vino (maybe by eating tons of cake) - I shouldn't complain because with twin boys coming we need all the free stuff we can get! Our strategy is to see what we receive at our shower and go from there.
Another new pregnancy element to keep me up at night is To Breastfeed Or Not To Breastfeed, That Is The Question! I took a 3-hour breastfeeding class today at the local hospital. Although I wasn't happy waking up early to drive an hour to class (yes, I know I should get used to lack of sleep), I'm glad I attended because I learned so much: latching on, sore nipples, increasing milk supply, breastfeeding positions and pumping. I've been reading about breastfeeding with twins in "Ready Or Not Here We Come" by Elizabeth Lyons. I know it's going to be hard, especially in the beginning when they are eating constantly and I need to increase my milk supply, but I want to give it my best shot. First, it will save money (unless I lose my mind and start seeing a shrink). Second, the health benefits are hard to ignore. Also, I heard from a few people an electric breast pump may be covered by my health insurance, so that's awesome! So, I may pump from the beginning and bottle-feed breastmilk or breastfeed the first two weeks to increase my supply and enjoy the bonding and then breastfeed while also bottle-feeding and pumping.
Breastfeeding makes me think about nature. How, as a woman, my body is designed to make a child, feed the child, help him or her grow, and push the child out and into the world. Then, my breasts (sorry men, they aren't just for ogling and coping a feel) are made to feed the child. Amazing. Who am I not to feed them this natural nectar created especially for them (maybe ask me after they're a week old to see how I feel about breastfeeding - haha).
However, my philosophy with this pregnancy is to do my best and not set my self up for failure! So whatever happens, happens!

24 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys: Contractions, Heartburn, Aches, Pains, Exhaustion

I had a routine doctor's appointment today with my OB -- I have two doctors: a regular OB and a specialist (whom I refer to as the fancy doctor because of his high-tech equipment) because I'm carrying multiples. I go to a practice with two OBs, one of which will deliver my children unless I go into labor when they aren't available, and also see a specialist who makes sure the twins are healthy and growing normally (I call him fancy because I'm an idiot who uses terms like fancy and also because his equipment gives us the best pictures of the babies! So far, we've seen the beautiful face of one while the other was camera shy.)
Anyway, at my appointment I found out the minute-long cramping I experienced yesterday around my pelvic area and lower back was most likely a contraction, which (I learned) is normal considering I have more baby in my belly at 24 weeks than normal. My feelings on labor and delivery are somewhat similar to my feelings on raising newborn twins as in I know I can do it and it's going to be hard but I'm also scared. So, when I found out this cramping (which I can only compare to a menstrual cramp) was a contraction, my pregnancy awareness kicked up a notch.
You see, I know I'm pregnant but it hasn't 100% sunk in that I will be giving birth in (hopefully) 14 weeks. I know this to be true but I can't wrap my head around it and everything else (being a mother, taking care of newborn twins, etc.). So, things like having a contraction and feeling my sons flutter in my belly push me closer towards full pregnancy realization but I am still astounded daily this is all happening.
Similar to the first year of raising twin boys with a husband who works full-time, I'm sure we'll look back on this all and laugh while not being able to fathom life without our sons but it's still odd. However, maybe I'll come to full-realization mode before I deliver because every week I seem to feel more pregnant. Not simply because my belly is expanding but because I feel aches and pains (especially my hips) and am really tired.
My heartburn has kicked up a notch, making me feel like a fire-breathing dragon, my hips hurt in the morning like I've been riding a bronco all night (trust me, I have not), I tire easily, am hungrier, thirstier (I didn't think it was possible) and am somewhat emotional. My body aches and the flutters in my belly are becoming more pronounced every day as my sons grow. However, I think it takes nine months to make a baby (or 38 weeks or less with the case of multiples) so you can slowly become aware of this crazy miracle, to fully grasp everything involved and it's magnitude. I'm allowed to have children, even two at a time! Me! It boggles my mind. I am going to give birth, either vaginally or through C-section, and be in charge of two boys! Me! I am slowly becoming more and more excited and less fearful day by day.
In the words of my sweet mother, "You can do it!"

24 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys: You Don't Have To Be Happy All The Time

I was filling out forms today for my soon-to-be-born sons' pediatrician and came to the question: "Is there a family history of any of the following problems ... " Among the listed problems was allergies.
I asked my husband via text message if he was allergic to anything - obviously I'm a bad wife because I should have his allergies memorized, as well as his dislikes and likes and his social security number. His response to my text? Life. He's allergic to life.
Sounds pessimistic but considering our house got struck by lighting almost two weeks ago (yes, lightning), all our electronics were fried, there's a hole in the wall and carpet damage (in what will be the nursery), and we've been without air conditioning since and just found out we'll be waiting several days longer for that sweet, sweet cool air to caress our sweaty bodies ... I'll give him a pass. To put it lightly, it's been frustrating since we are definite creatures of habit and homebodies.
However, his remark made me think about my pregnancy.
Am I supposed to be happy-go-lucky constantly? You know, floating on a pregnancy cloud, nesting, picking out onesies and witty bibs that say things like "I Get My Looks From My Mom" or "Chicks Rock" or something equally nauseating? Am I not allowed to be scared? There's something about pregnancy that makes me feel as if I'm supposed to be this cheery, can't-wait-for-baby lady, you know, the type of lady I should be as a wife and when I am actually a mother.
I thought about this late last night while trying to sleep in a home without air conditioning - it was easily 85 degrees and my restless legs were ... umm ... restless. Two fans were blowing air hotter than dog's breath into my general direction and the ice pack on my chest was sweating worse than me in church if I ever actually went to church. I tried to trick my brain: It's not that hot in here, I'm not sweating even though I'm nude and uncomfortable, honest. Let's think about the people around the world who don't have luxuries like air conditioning (As the kids say, First World Problems). Around 3 a.m. I finally said: You know what!? THIS SUCKS. (Don't worry, a generous family member let us have an extra window unit so the bedroom is delightful now).
Anyway, I'm scared about having twins and excited too. Deep down in my heart I know it will all work out -- especially considering the shitty moms I've seen out and about and in the public eye - as a woman at an engagement party told me, "If Snooki can have a baby, anyone can have a baby." I know my husband and I will figure it out but I'm still scared. Scared I'll be so exhausted I'll want to scream at my child or pack up and leave town. Post partum depression scares me. Labor scares me. I'm scared I'll lose myself. I'm scared I'll be a bad mother and raise a bad kid all the teachers hate to have in their classroom. I'm scared I'll fail because this ain't an ambitious workout and diet I'm attempting to follow, this is motherhood. I'm scared about a lot of things because change is scary.
I was never the happy-go-lucky type, just not how I was raised. While I tend not to freak out in bad situations, figuring it's not helpful, I tend to look at my glass as half empty most of the time.
I'm not into the whole decorate-my-nursery-like-the-tackiest-theme-ride-at-Disney-World or adorable yet expensive onesies my sons will wear once, maybe, before they get too big. Frankly, I'm a Frugal Fanny. I'm reading a baby book on twins: "Ready Or Not Here We Come" by Elizabeth Lyons. It's my type of book - written by a honest woman who's been there and lived to tell the tale. However, I think past the suggestions in this book, a parenting style is mostly developed by learning along the way. I haven't changed a lot of diapers in my lifetime but I'm positive after 24-hours home with twin boys, I'll get the hang of it and be a Diaper Wizard ... well, I guess since I'm a woman a Diaper Witch, but that sounds awful.
This isn't to say I don't care, like I'm a laissez-faire parent-to-be, like I'm the cashier at Wawa I saw yesterday, who, after being told by a customer a toilet in the bathroom wasn't working, couldn't have cared less. I don't work there and I cared more about the stall than this young lady did. I'm not some Botox-ed out Housewife of Fancy Places who doesn't want anything baby-related in my home and, frankly, will have the baby raised by nannies.
I care about my twins and being a good mother but feel there's pressure put on mothers, especially expectant mothers, to be the best mother, to be Super Mom, making healthy bag lunches for their beautiful children who started walking at 6 months and speaking at 9 months. Super Mom's children are bi-lingual, star athletes, award winning musicians and poets. It's the American way, we want to be the best even if we're swallowing anxiety medication with white wine!
My feelings about this are similar to my sister's advice concerning breastfeeding. I am going to breastfeed my twins but, as my sister advised, not set myself up for failure. I don't want to be one of those lunatics who breastfeed until the child has a full set of adult teeth, however, I know the benefits of breast milk so I want to be Mama Moo Cow for as long as I can. Choo choo the Milk Train is coming into the station! However, I will not set myself up for failure. I will breastfeed as long as I can and that will be fine. I will do my best as a mother and that will be fine. I'm not a superwoman and shouldn't be expected to have superpowers, neither should any mother. Am I excited? Yes. Scared? Hell yes. But this is OK.

23 Weeks Pregnant With Twin Boys: Tired, tired, tired and the moody blues

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with twin boys (17 weeks to go!) and have been asked constantly: "How do you feel?" Well ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, I'm tired and thirsty. Thirsty and tired. My doctor says this is normal - my body is working for three afterall. Although, I drink so much water, camels think I'm crazy. Cha-ching! Badda-bing!
That was a dumb joke but I don't care because I'm tired and moody and, as a pregnant woman, I get a free pass because I'm also told constantly by strangers and family alike: "Wow twins! You're going to be huge." Thank you, thank you so much because I wasn't already feeling whale-ish, especially as I waddle down the street amongst bikini clad, sundress wearing ladies. Summer, summer, summertime stinks when you're large and uncomfortable. Well, not waddle. I've caught myself waddling once or twice but I'm not full-blown waddle-woman yet. YET!
It's funny ... well not funny but whatever ... I've read about pregnancy side effects (for lack of a better word) and haven't felt the brunt of them until lately, not counting my first trimester nausea-o-rama. My mood is weird, fluctuating throughout the day and week from depressed to optimistic and in between, I'm exhausted and get exhaustion hangovers as in I did housework most of Saturday and went to the movies that evening (the Raisinets were divine, the Sprite was cold, and "The Heat" was funny) and Sunday I was worthless. My feet have started to ache (even upon waking, which is odd because duh, I was asleep for hours and hours - why do they hurt? Do I sleepwalk?), I can't think straight and zone out constantly, I'm forgetful (especially mid-sentence), I'm so thirsty I drink more than a gallon of water a day and even water before bed and throughout the night (when I wake up to pee from all the water I've been guzzling like I used to guzzle white wine) and when I arise in the morning what do my wondering eyes see in the toilet bowl? Pee the shade of a highlighter. Am I pregnant with twin boys or camels (although I have nothing against camels)? You be the judge.
Another gripe for the Almighty Complaint Department of Pregnant Women Everywhere is my dreams. What is up with my dreams? They are scary or erotic. Last night my best guy friend died in my dream. Before that the nightly lineup typically featured murder (sometimes I am a serial killer, sometimes I am going to be killed - don't worry, I didn't kill my friend last night, HIV got him, which is equally uplifting), mayhem and dark, twisted things or erotic but odd. What gives? Shouldn't I be dreaming about the babies growing inside me, my inadequacies as a mother, losing my children, forgetting I had children, etc. - you know, all the crap I think about only right before I am trying to fall asleep? Although, I was told bad dreams are good for post partum depression, which sounds lovely (if it's actually true) but also makes me wonder why the person who told me that is concerned about me having post partum depression in the first place. Oh snap! Sorry, did I tell you I'm moody?
Maybe my scary dreams mimic my fear in regards to raising twins. I won't know what to do, I'll be overwhelmed, it will be hard, I'll lose my identity ... Let's not forget giving birth isn't something women look back on fondly.
In more uplifting news, I did get 3D pictures of Baby A's face (Baby B was not cooperating) and he's a cutie. It's weird to think he's my son. I will have two sons. That's weird. I forgot to put on underwear today and made tea this morning but left it on the counter at home but I am allowed to have children - boggles the mind. For goodness sakes, I laugh at Peter Griffin's fart jokes. However, I think it's one of those things that's weird now but, eventually, I won't be able to think of life without my sons. So, let's end this post now before I start complaining again!

20 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: It's Starting To Sink In

I bought a shirt a few months ago when I realized I needed roomier clothing. It's a flowy, sleeveless maternity shirt -- nothing spectacular. This was during the days of hide-the-smallish-belly attire because I didn't look pregnant yet, I looked like I let myself go. I couldn't fathom my belly would grow large enough for this roomy shirt to fit properly but, at the urging of my mother (who's been around the block with four children), I purchased the shirt, took it home, washed it and hung it up in my closet.
I've ignored the shirt, overlooking it when apathetically searching for clothing. I know I'm pregnant and supposed to gain weight but it's hard to feel excited when I feel like Large Marge. Anyway, today, at 20 weeks pregnant with twins, I saw the shirt and gave it a shot. It's not tight - I still have room to grow - but it finally fits and that means ...
YES, I AM REALLY PREGNANT. YES, THERE ARE REALLY BABIES GROWING INSIDE ME.
This weekend my better half and I went to the mall to exchange some maternity clothing I received as a gift (I love receiving gifts of clothing that are too small ... NOT ... sorry, I'm bigger than that ...). After learning Motherhood Maternity is affordable and pretty cute, my man took me to lunch. Damn right he did because I was hungry! Duh! We couldn't find parking near the restaurant so we parked farther away and walked. We had to cross a few crosswalks and, lo and behold, people actually stopped, smiled and waved us on. I didn't think much of it until he mentioned those people stopped because I am visibly pregnant. Wow ...
YES, I AM REALLY PREGNANT.
This isn't to say I've been swigging booze and eating tons of mercury-ridden fish for months, riding rollercoasters and eating bowls of feta cheese, funneling wine and laying on my back in bed in an attempt to ignore my state. Yes, I know I'm pregnant and have been doing all the pregnancy-must-dos but it hadn't sunk in yet. I knew it but didn't quite believe it for some reason, maybe my brain is attempting to keep me from losing my mind so it's easing me into this life changing event.
It still boggles my mind daily to think in 18 weeks or less I will be the mother of twin boys ... I can hardly believe it and even typing it out in this blog post is scary but I'm starting to ... I want to say 'come to terms' but it's not like I'm dying, I'm having children (although people have told me my social life will die but I'm a bit of a hermit so more like my alone time will die). So, maybe instead of 'come to terms' we can say I'm starting to wrap my head around this whole me being pregnant thing.
It doesn't help I can hardly believe I'm 29, which is a great age to have children, so I think, "Wait, I'm not old enough to have kids!" This thinking hurts because then I remember I'm not 22, I'm 29, and that's a tough thing to be reminded of every now and then. Like a random slap in the face once a week.
This all makes me think of that scene in "Knocked Up" where Debbie and Alison are told to get in the long line at the nightclub instead of being quickly let in, which happens with attractive, young women. The doorman says: You old, she pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy.
Yes, it sure is crazy.
As for updates in other areas, I finished registering at BabiesRus. We registered for the main items - cribs, car seats, pack and plays, bouncy seats, swings - and figure we can buy the smaller items on our own.
We are thinking of joining Costco or Sam's Club since we did our budget and the column containing the amount of money left over every month after the main bills are paid is not as huge as we wanted. We may have to say goodbye to HBO and unlimited data plans and hello to bulk diapers at Costco but I think it's good we save money, whether we are having babies or not.
We put together a list of people for our baby shower -- we are doing a joint shower with me inside with the ladies and the men outside barbecuing, drinking beer and ... being men. The presents will be helpful but I don't like being the center of attention and, unlike my bridal shower, I can't have a glass of wine to take the edge off ... so, that should be interesting.
We still have work to do on reorganizing the house but it certainly looks a lot better. Other than that, I'm hungry so I'm going to go eat a snack!

19 Weeks Pregnant: We Are Having Twin Boys And My Brain Doesn't Work Anymore

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with twin boys - we found out last week (my husband was so excited he fist pumped after the doctor left the room and whisper-screamed YES because, at last, his evil plan of two mini-me children has been activated).
Anyway, I'm convinced my brain no longer works. It's as if my thoughts are on the tip of my tongue, I know they're there but I can't reach them so I make coherent sense in my day-to-day-life, especially at work. This must be what Keanu Reeves feels like all the time ...
It's not to say I've totally lost my marbles ... just forgetfully foggy.
Let me take one skeleton out of the closet briefly and admit, a long time ago while in college, I smoked marijuana and, yes, I inhaled ... a lot. I quit after college when I realized a serious day job (newspaper editor) didn't mix with the sticky-icky -- i.e. my work suffered. That's how I know this feeling - it's like I'm slightly stoned 24-7 but instead of the green stuff I have hormones coursing through my veins which also make me emotional and hungry. At least I have the ultimate excuse, "Sorry, I'm pregnant and tired." Most people understand, even my self-obsessed boss who hates children and is frightened I have two growing inside of me because it will ruin my life apparently. #lovely I think she pities me while I secretly pity her because she's horrible.
I can't fight the stupidity, I must embrace it because there's no amount of Suduko puzzles that will help me now. I try to sleep a lot because I read mental fatigue while pregnant is a sign you aren't sleeping enough but I have to work so I can't sleep all day. I get about 9 hours a night, subtracted by a few trips to the bathroom as well as being awakened because I'm uncomfortable. I try to workout a few days a week, including a prenatal swimming class that rocks my world once a week. Other than that, me brain don't work so good hon.
Other gripes ... restless legs, which my husband and I have morphed into a song using the tune of George Michael's "Careless Whisper" -- "Restless legs have got no rhythm." Restless legs suck. I drink at least a gallon of water a day and I know this because I drink water out of a 32-ounce water bottle. I take calcium in the morning with my prenatal and potassium and magnesium at night. What more do you want from me body? I'm giving you all I got captain!
I got my hair cut shoulder length the other day, they took off about four inches.. I don't know why but now I feel like I'm becoming a stereotypical mom - of course my sister, the bitchy one, remarked about my mom-hair ... she's so nice. Mom = short hair, don't care. My husband said he likes it but he's being very nice to me because I'm a twin-carrying, hormonal woman and, honestly, when you ask a man if he likes your haircut, what's he going to say if he ever wants to eat homemade food and have sex again? Duh.
I haven't had weird cravings aside from eating hardboiled eggs and pickles in the first trimester because I was so nauseous those were the only things I could stomach. My new obsession is hummus but I have been thinking about Chinese food recently. I used to fantasize about a crisp white wine or a spicy red wine, the mellowness of a wine buzz, and now I think about General Tsos Chicken with a shrimp egg roll, cheese wontons and some hot and sour soup and the mellowness of sleeping. Weird.
I'm such a rube.

19 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Registery, money, gifts, getting ready for babies

Thanks to Babycenter.com's weekly e-mails, I know I am 19 weeks pregnant with 21 weeks left (I could probably do the math but math isn't fun - and my high school algebra teacher told me to never do anything in life involving math ... )! However, since I'm having twins, those 21 weeks are actually 19 or less, hopefully at least 16 weeks so I make it to the uber-important 35 weeks mark!
So, it's time for hubby and me to get our shit together and remember to stop staying words like shit because we will be parents soon. The other weekend his handyman father came over and helped with touchup painting - I flew the coop because conflicting reports concerning the safety of painting when pregnant was enough for me to decide to be safe than sorry. Mr. Fix It returned this past weekend to help with heavy lifting as we (I helped by making tuna sandwiches) rearrange the home. He will return in a few weeks or so to paint (what-will-be the nursery) if we ever clear all the crap out of there -- but as I remind myself in mantra form: it's not finished but it's better than it was ... progress was made.
We are rearranging our home so it's baby friendly. I.e. we don't need a fancy dining room when the space could be used for a couch and open floor area for babies to play and us to be less worried they'll hurt themselves. And, let's be honest, we've eaten in there ... four times maybe and lived there for almost six years. Glad we registered for so much fancy china ... NOT. How about instead of those dinner plates you pay off a student loan?
We plan to donate items and furniture we've talked about donating for years, as well as other items we don't need. There's always time for decluttering and it feels amazing like I'm lighter, although I've gained weight (shocking) but that's another complaint for another day (I know I'm supposed to gain weight but I don't have to be happy about it!)
Anyway, we're slowly but surely getting our shit together, which also means registering! We asked around (i.e. my sisters, friend of sister with twins, long list from BabyCenter.com of what to get) and registered for the essentials. You know ... cribs, car seats, bathtub, etc. using Amazon ratings but registering on Babies-r-Us. It was stressful and we still need to add a few things, especially a video monitor thing-a-ma-jig, but I'm glad we didn't register in person because that would have been even more stressful. Hopefully after the shower - August - we will have a majority of what we need because, honestly, I'm worried about money.
It's not that we're broke as a joke but for some reason people told my husband babies aren't expensive and he believed them. Also, I suggested we take a diaper out of the box (his practical boss and coworkers were nice enough to buy us a box and a double stroller!) so he could try it out and he was worried it would dry up because he thought they had wipes in them ... thank goodness for the childbirth and baby classes we are taking next month. So, back to money: umm ... diapers alone are a lot, especially with twin babies to clean up after, and I won't be working. Honestly, I think we need to sit down and punch some numbers, which means we Google "How much do babies cost" and list our monthly expenses in comparison. Just as decluttering the home was beneficial on many levels, decluttering our bank account will be beneficial, although painful. Talking about money stinks worse than a dirty diaper after a major blow-out.
Anyway, we're making way for twin babies this fall whether we're ready or not!

16 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Second Trimester & It's Time To Act Like A Pregnant Lady

I'm 16 weeks pregnant with twins, whether I believe it or not. Although my mind isn't on board yet, my body is giving hints, like smack you in the face hints. It's time I take ownership of my pregnancy status, even though my body resembles a woman who has let herself go as in I drink beer constantly and don't give an f-.
Saturday, while shopping with my dear mama, I needed to sit my butt down after my lower back began hurting/cramping. The pain wasn't extreme but it was enough to warrant a response from yours truly as well as my ma-ma. Sunday, a lovely Mother's Day lunch with hubby, mom and m-i-l and grocery shopping was enough to take the wind out of my sails.
I spent yesterday in bed, reading, resting and eating - which was glorious (although not glorious enough to want to be on bed rest for weeks). Who knew Stephen King, a neck pillow and snacks in bed could be so fabulous? That evening I nearly passed out/threw up standing at my oven, stir frying vegetables (found out today from my OB/GYN that's normal -- my blood pressure likely fell). Sitting down didn't cure what ailed me but lying down on the couch made me feel better. I also felt like my throat was closing up and I couldn't breathe but that was likely a panic attack since the dizzy/nauseous feeling is what I felt before I had a partial seizure three years ago (only have had one in my life, thankfully, but I read those feelings are my triggers and shouldn't be ignored).
The first trimester I lacked energy and felt disgusting, inside and out. My body was slowly expanding and my stomach felt like a Tilt-a-Whirl. I felt like a scientist while trying to discover which foods wouldn't make me hurl. Now I'm into the second trimester and all I hear from veteran moms and opinionated Internet ramblings, the likes I should stop reading, is how this trimester is wonderful. Yes, I don't feel as disgusting as last trimester and I can eat a wider variety of foods (although some smells still make me want to hurl) but I'm realizing my body isn't what it used to be, not that I was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model who worked out hours a day. My body is working for three and it's throwing hints to slow down, even if I feel well enough to go about my normal routine.
You see, I'm not your normal girl. I grew up daddy's favorite and a tom girl. My much older sisters didn't want much to do with me so I latched on to my closer-in-age brother, wanting to be just like him. When my parents needed someone to do hard labor (as we referred to it), I was in on the action. So, it's hard for me not to be one of the boys -- I'm Rosie the Riveter! However, I must remember I'm living for three, which is extraordinary! It would be easier if I had a substantial baby bump to showcase to the world but life isn't always easy!

14 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Time For Airing of the Grievances

I am pregnant hear me roar.
It's nice to complain once in a while, especially on an online blog - there's only so much complaining my husband can take, especially when he can't relate to my aches and pains, hormonal fluxes and the like.
What is the deal with water? I drink at least a gallon a day and my body thirsts for more, especially my restless legs even though I eat at least one banana a day and added coconut water! Maybe I should wear a beer hat with water bottles on each side and strap a portable toilet to my butt. What a look! I try to stay away from calorie and sugar filled juices and non-caffeinated soda but enjoy a half juice, half Perrier/ginger ale cocktail once in a while. Amazing. It's refreshing, especially when others are boozing.
Speaking of water, I bet toilet paper companies love pregnant women. I peed so many times today (it's only 2:30 p.m.) I lost count. The type of urination I find most annoying is when you feel near explosion but find yourself at the porcelain throne with hardly enough fluid to fill a urine sample cup. What's up with that?
Speaking of nether regions, my tailbone hurts. With all the expanding and stretching my body is undergoing, my tailbone is sore (yes, I sit on a cushion at work). My doctor recommended a chiropractor but I fear his adjustments may hurt my babies (probably an ignorant fear). Maybe it will go away ... fingers crossed.
Moving on, if one more "well-wisher" tells me congratulations with a followup of "Twins, wow, you are going to be huge," I'm going to get myself arrested. Why would someone think that's appropriate to tell an already expanding, hormonal woman? As I type this in stretch pants and a tunic, I know I will grow larger. I've stupidly Google imaged "Twins third trimester" to see into my future. I don't need reminders from strangers.
My other favorite response is: "Twins?! That's going to be so hard." Thank you, very uplifting. Are you a motivational speaker?
Speaking of stretch pants, I would like to thank the hipster, teeny-boppers, whatever you want to call them (females younger than me who act as if they created cool), who popularized leggings as suitable clothing. They are magnificent. As for the rest of the stuff they popularized, well ... as Sweet Brown said, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
If I ever have children again I want to warn my future self -- Danger, danger Will Robinson, the smells you encounter in the first trimester when you're queasy (soaps, lotions, scented trash bags) will haunt you for the rest of your pregnancy. I switched soaps and am contemplating switching shampoo/conditioner (although, I just bought the family size containers) and face wash ... or maybe I can continue holding my breath as I wash.
Another gripe, in addition to restless legs (and one case of restless arms) I have a new wake-up-at-4-am thing occasionally going on where I struggle to fall back asleep. My mind doesn't race, there are no thoughts of tasks I didn't accomplish or a stressful day ahead. Just tossing and turning. What gives?
And last, but not least, for the past two days my nausea made its grand return. Not as significant as before but ... I thought I was past this! Insert fear of nine months of morning sickness. I expanded my meals past carrots and saltines (first trimester staples) but am not a total balls-to-the-wall pregnant lady who eats everything in sight. Some of the stuff I ate before I became pregnant still make me nauseous, especially popcorn. I don't have cravings per say but there's food I look forward to eating (I eat healthy during the week and have a cheat meal or two on the weekend) but it's basically food items I've always loved - pizza, ice cream, nachos, burritos. Although I can handle a bit more spice than before, especially with Mexican food.
My back started hurting as I typed this post but I solved this issue by unhooking my bra. Perhaps it's time I stop typing and go buy a new one!

Shit Just Got Real: 13 Weeks Pregnant With Twins & Learned One Is A Boy

I went yesterday to a high risk doctor referred by my OB/GYN because I'm having twins. I noticed a pregnant woman drinking Diet Coke in the waiting room and almost gasped out loud but instead smiled because obviously I'm not doing so bad considering I'm not gulping down diet soda! P.S. I'm working on being a good person so, in turn, my children will be good people -- cursing, judging, bitching and moaning. It goes fairly well when I remember to follow the rules.
I didn't know what I was in for with this appointment, especially since I saw my regular doctor for a checkup the day before. All I knew was this checkup could only be held at the 12-13 week mark.
I was given a brochure on first trimester screening while in the waiting room and found they would be testing for Down Syndrome, trisomy 18 and neural tube defects -- which includes an ultrasound and a blood sample. I hardly had time to finish reading before I was whisked away to a lovely bland, sterile room for loosen-your-pants-here-comes-the-warm-goo-time.
Thirty+ minute sonogram/ultrasound (not sure which) later with a tough but tender tech, and I saw my babies on the big screen. The technology at this place was a large step up from my OB/GYN, so I was giddy as I saw their little faces and hands. Baby B serenely lounged and looked peaceful. Baby A ... well Baby A was face down with its butt in the air! What a clown!
As the tech worked to measure my babies necks (part of the screening), she asked what sexes I wanted. I replied I didn't know, I just want them to be happy and healthy. I used to think I wanted two boys because my 8-year-old niece has enough sass for the United States of America but then I thought, wouldn't it be nice to have both? I finally figured I didn't know so it's better to hope for health and happiness than penis or vagina. The tech casually asked me, "Do you want to know what I think?" I didn't think they'd know this early so my bewildered response of "Yes, I'd like to know what you think" lacked enthusiasm.
Well folks, she said she thought both were boys but wasn't sure about Baby A. However, she was definitely sure of Baby B because, ladies and gentleman, we saw penis! My husband is floating on a cloud. I'm happy but not as happy as him because he wanted at least one boy. To me the news hit me like a slap in the face because shit got real. There's something definitive about knowing one of them is a boy. It makes all this concrete. A son. Excitement and fear is pulling me in separate directions so here I sit in the dazed zone - this must be how Ryan Lochte feels all the time! Also, the idea of two boys scares me because I'll be outnumbered three to one!
There are babies growing inside me and one of them is a boy and they will be here in less than 27 weeks. I could repeat this in the mirror until my voice gives out but I can't wrap my head around the news. It is the craziest news I've ever heard! I've read it doesn't become real for a woman until the baby (babies) kick and for a man until they are born, so I've got time and this is normal.

Thirteen Weeks Strong: Pregnant With Twins and Not As Nauseous

I began writing this post when I was 11 weeks preggers. Instead of deleting it and skipping ahead to where I am now (13 weeks), I might as well include the part I started two weeks ago before procrastinating - which was going to work, going home, sleeping, repeat.

I am 11 weeks pregnant with twins and feel as if I'm experiencing the world for the first time. The smells, dear god the smells are awful ... mostly. Although today I almost licked the creamy goodness coming out of my bottle of Burt's Bees Milk & Honey Body Lotion. Don't worry, I stopped myself ... although I had to make a quick stop at Rite Aid today to get some organic granola bars (my keep-in-the-car-and-purse-just-in-case-snack) and stopped at the display of Burt's Bees products to smell the lotion again ... so ... I may have a problem.
The thought of most food leaves me quivering with disgust, including many foods I used to devour -- homemade popcorn and sweet potato fries. I couldn't eat popcorn at the movies this past weekend. For shame pregnant lady, for shame!
Also, there's this trick my body plays on me from time to time where I get a hankering for something - case in point, pasta - and finally get to have that something - pasta and chicken at a restaurant - and then am not satisfied. What's the deal? Why was I so obsessed if that's going to be the outcome?
Body 1, Me 0.
I try to eat healthy during the week, especially since I sit at a desk all day. Food I can stomach: eggs, raw carrots, bananas, apples, pears, chicken/pork/turkey burgers (hardly am able but know I need the protein). Then there's the foods I enjoy: Annie's honey grahams, Greek yogurt, peanut butter Puffins (which my uber-health-conscious sister informed me has GMO so ... bye Puffins), seasoned Melba toast, rice cakes made from brown rice, Greek yogurt Popsicles, hardboiled eggs, waffles, pickles, cottage cheese (don't judge me for the last few - I don't eat them together except ... for ... the pickles and hardboiled eggs ... sometimes). I don't buy peanut butter because I wouldn't follow the serving suggestions and I am in love with Chipolte burritos, an item I used to find too spicy.

Fast forward to present day: 13 weeks pregnant

I'm not nearly as nauseous (thank Heaven) but am still tired yet not as tired. I am the little engine that could, chug, chug, chugging along. I saw a sonogram of my twins yesterday (which are temporarily, and jokingly, named Hans and Frans or Don and Juan) and saw they're big heads and tiny heartbeats. Cute! Sadly for my husband, we don't know the sex yet.
My sweet grandmother passed away last weekend so I spent last week visiting family, attending services and eating comfort food friends of the family brought over. I attempted to eat healthy - eggs, toast and fruit for breakfast, salads incorporated at lunch and dinner, enough water to quench the thirst of Africa - but did delve into the land of homemade peanut butter cookies (good gracious those were amazing), some smorgasbord pasta casserole dish, chocolate cake, ice cream, tea lattes from Starbucks, potato salad (which had too much mustard but, not suprisingly, I kept eating it anyway), pimento cheese and chicken salad sandwiches and various goodies. Luckily I only gained three pounds at my recent checkup so that's good (or bad because the self-deprecating side of me thinks I'm not feeding my children enough if I can visit my relatives (who we decades ago deemed "food pushers") and not gain 10 pounds, especially since I was there almost a full week.
Let's save those worries for right before I fall asleep at night (am I right or am I right?). Current problems: restless legs occasionally (even had restless arms in the middle of the night but drank two glasses of water and they went away), I think my tailbone is bruised and wonder if I should buy one of those donuts to sit on, occasional queasiness and the smells, oh the smells, are still a problem. My Febreeze scented trash bags make me want to barf.
Other than that, 27 weeks to go until I meet my babies!