I'm pregnant with my first child. Knocked up, expecting, preggers ... it's liberating to share since I'm entering my fifth week and haven't let the news reach farther than my husband's ears. We're waiting until after my first ultrasound (late next week) to sound the alarm, which is fine by me, notsomuch by Senor Motor Mouth, who wishes to scream it from the roof tops.
I feel weird: joy, fear and anxiety mixed with the lulling hum of hCG (pregnancy hormone which I refer to as Sleeps). That's the point. You're supposed to be scared and happy, fearful and excited - a mixed bag. A human being I helped create is growing inside me - that's a big deal. In less than nine months my husband and I will be in charge of this human being - that's also a big deal. Wrapping my head around this is like trying to wrap my head around life, the universe and everything. Ain't gonna happen.
My pregnancy isn't a shock. It was planned - like first round of IUI planned. I have poly cystic ovaries, which were discovered after I stopped taking birth control after 10 years - a decade of fearing babies and worshiping a white pill. Instead of my ideal scenario: stop birth control pills, make love on cloud with husband and become pregnant instantly, I needed a few self-injected shots (not as bad as it sounds - worst part is filling syringe), awkward ultrasounds with a large dildo-shaped thingy-ma-bob, and medications to get my engines running. Only took a few months for the experts to reach our goal. There are women who become pregnant easily, while others never do, so I count my blessings.
The only issue is when I did IUI (aka turkey baster), instead of one follicle, I had three, thus I could be typing this with three babies growing inside me. Yes, I agreed to this when discussing my fertility options but three? Wow. Two? Wow. I'd prefer one for my first time around, although my husband believes two would be ideal because then, "We'd be done, right? We want two kids. It's like two for the price of one!" What a beautiful world he lives in.
Anyway, I knew this could happen. I had sex with a turkey baster wielded by a sterile mystery man in a sterile room before work on a Monday morning. He discussed the Superbowl and was appalled I didn't watch the annual must-see event. Romantic. I didn't think much of it until, two weeks later, I called for my results.
"You're pregnant."
This happened last week. My husband and I still get a good, hearty laugh when I look at him and say, "Hey, I'm pregnant." It's unreal.
The only purchase I've made is a copy of "The Adventure's of Lowly Worm" by Richard Scarry for my husband as it's his favorite children's book. I dusted off my copy of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" my sister bought me over a year ago when we first started trying - I retrieved it from the bookshelf I placed it on months ago when our pregnancy hopes looked unlikely. I also signed up for e-mails from BabyCenter.com, a great resource thus far.
The big no-nos were easy: no alcohol, no smoking. I don't smoke. I'll miss my wine as I was a bit of a weekend wino but, honestly, I haven't missed it so far (remember, I'm only five weeks along). The other tidbits seem understandable, only fish is salmon once a week, only one cup of coffee a day, no lunch meat, no soft cheese, no crap. My husband started a diet mid-2012, and I followed along. The diet consists of lean protein, fruits, vegetables, whole grain, nuts - all organic and all measured out for portion control. We still follow the diet, mostly, so I'm onboard with eating healthy except for one meal on the weekend - a girl, pregnant or not, has gotta live! I haven't had any unusual cravings yet and try to remember when eating something different: is this good for my baby? What does he/she get out of this?
I've got a tiny belly and can't fit into my skinny pants anymore. However, it's OK because my breasts, although tender, look fantastic so they counteract my fake beer gut. It will be sad when I take out my summer clothes in a month or two and realize I will only fit in a few items, if any. However, as I told my husband today after a wave of nausea hit me, it'll be worth the trouble. The nausea (no puke has been recorded as of today and there ain't nothing morning about this morning sickness), cramps, fatigue, bloating, frequent almost inhuman urination, and, of course, the chapters I haven't read in the book - second and third trimesters, giving birth ... should I watch a birth video and freak or continue on my course of "I'm too blessed to be stressed?" I'm hardly able to wrap my head around my pregnancy so maybe horror videos aren't a good idea.
It's funny, my husband and I discuss my pregnancy and we jump ahead to what sports they will play, what we'll get them for Christmas and what values we want to instill in their little heads instead of the here and now. Once things start progressing (i.e. big belly, movements, ultrasounds) we'll probably be more here and now focused, I hope.
What's nice about right now, when my husband and I are the only ones who know ... I am not bombarded with advice. I'm sure most of it will be helpful but I suffer from sensory overload. Aside from yummy food and great presents, I don't need a fancy shower. Girl or boy (we are leaning towards boy) is fine as long as they are healthy. I'd like advice as problems arise, so it'll be nice to have knowledgeable family to lean on but I don't enjoy the spotlight.
Aside from being tired, I'm pretty mellow. We'll see what happens when I check in a week or so from now!
