11 Month Old Twin Fraternal Boys: Transitions, Purees to Solid

I am a stay-at-home mother of twin fraternal boys and am attempting to transition from purees. Ugh.
Before having them I wasn't a take-charge woman. When my husband and I did marriage counseling years ago (we were married in the Episcopal Church and it's mandatory before the big day) we took personality tests and the minister laughed at the results. He said I was extremely introverted and my husband was introverted so he was worried we'd never leave the house! Don't worry, we leave but we also enjoy our alone time.
My babies helped me become a better person and grow up. I learned so much about myself over the past 11 months and was forced to change my personality. Instead of being a "whatever you want to do honey" person, I have opinions! It took a bit for my husband to come to terms with this change but he's proud of me. Honestly, I'm not completely different, just a little more self-assertive but still unsure of myself.
With twins you have no time to dawdle. Time waits for no one and neither do twin boys. Not surprisingly, I am in the midst of more change as I near their first birthday. The great big milk transition. No more formula ladies and gentleman.
It sounded so dreamy, especially in the first few months. A life without formula. No more mixing, no more added rice cereal, no more giant grocery bill (although if you think about it ... organic milk ain't cheap with two kids). Now it's on the horizon, it's kind of scary. Their diet needs to consist of real food? Yikes. To further complicate matters, I recently got free samples of toddler formula in the mail. What the hell is this? More formula? So there's also the great toddler formula debate - do you or do you not? Does it help them grow or is this a way for them to milk more money out of my wallet with hype words like DHA.
Purees are so easy. I buy Gerber ... they're fine for the convenience. However, pretty soon I will be needing to buy fresh fruit and produce and serve it to my babies in a form they'll eat with their own hands! Yikes! Right now outside of purees they have cut up banana and cheese once a day, and yogurt, cheerios and rice crackers three times a day. It's just so easy when someone has already pureed the food for you. Also Baby B has recently learned a few new tricks, namely spitting food in my face and also spitting out food (usually the pureed meats) onto his hands and then running his hands through his hair. Geez, what do you do when you totally introduce food? Hose them down out back? Run them through the dishwasher? (Please don't call Child Protective Services. I would never do that ... although one time Baby B had an enormous blowout and I briefly thought about hosing him down).
Anyway, their pediatrician gave me a chart to follow with amounts of formula/breastmilk, cereal, vegetables, fruit, meat and grains they need each month from birth to 12 months - I follow this religiously (a nice way to say I have OCD). I also follow Dr. Sears, a pediatrician and author/co-author of more than 30 parenting books. In "The Baby Book," he lists starter foods and foods acceptable for each stage - i.e. 6-9 months, 9 to 12 months, 12-18 and so on. Sounds pretty easy, right? Well I'm uneasy and, frankly, stressing.
Maybe it's because Baby A had reflux issues out of the blue recently, especially when I didn't think reflux got worse at 9 months after being very manageable. I still tiptoe around the house after bedtime and wait for his cries or my husband to wake me up in the middle of the night because he's crying. So, I worry we may (or may not) have him under control and if I change their food then we will be back at square one.
Also I am a member of a twins group online and some of those women make me feel like my head will explode. The people who think their child has a food allergy when they eat something and don't like it or have trouble digesting food when a newborn. I learned the hard way the inside of babies bodies, namely the digestive system, is still maturing and it doesn't mean they are allergic to milk or your breastmilk is tainted because you had cauliflower for dinner. They were in your body for nine months getting exactly what they needed and now you are shoving milk and rice cereal down their throats. So just breathe.
It's also hard because a lot of mothering is instinctual. They are at the age where they can have mashed foods instead of purees but it depends on whether they are ready. Are they ready? I think so but then maybe they aren't or but maybe they are but then ... Being with them every day, putting them down for every nap, feeding them every meal, kissing every boo-boo, well it makes things seem longer than they are, it makes things seem almost endless but not endless. I have been doing the same schedule for so long that it's almost weird to change things up. Will the Earth stop spinning if they don't follow the schedule? Sometimes I feel it will.
Up in the morning, bottle with three scoops oatmeal/rice cereal, three scoops formula. Digest in activity chairs. Play in playyard until they have been awake for two hours then breakfast. Morning is cutup banana and cheese, handful Cheerios and rice cakes, six spoonfuls oatmeal, eight vegetable, six fruit, three meat and five yogurt. Sit in activity chair. Nap time. Wake up. Bottle, sit in activity chair. Play in playyard until the last one who woke from his nap has been awake for two hours. Lunch. Cheerios and rice cakes, same amount of everything else. Sit in activity chairs. Nap. Wake up. Bottle. If weather is nice go for a walk, if not play in playyard. Dinner, same as lunch. Bathtime then bottle. Sit in activity chair and read books. Goodnight.
I told this to my husband one day and he said, "No wonder you can't fall asleep at night."
Also my organic-loving sisters tell me babies don't need solids until 12 months so ... I guess for the past almost six months I've screwed their lives up! So many different opinions because every baby is so different. Very frustrating! Also, if I ask my husband he answers like he's just waiting for whatever I want to do because I'm in charge. I'm in charge? Why on Earth would anyone allow that?!

11 Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Reflux Rears Its Ugly Head

I haven't posted in over a month. I am a stay-at-home mom of 11-month-old fraternal twin boys. At the end of the day, I don't feel like blogging about my feelings so I have been a lazy writer lately. I've been dealing with some anxiety lately (my Melatonin, Valerian Root and Calms Forte cocktails no longer put me to sleep) so maybe this blog thing will help me relax.
Baby A has been having reflux issues since late July. Well, he's had silent reflux issues his entire, short life. As a newborn he would make a sour face when the acid came up, his brother would just constantly spit up like Niagara Falls. I've had them on Zantac for a long, long time (switching briefly to Prevacid but going back to Zantac after our insurance would not fork up the dough - it was over $500 a month). So, it was odd when he started having difficulty at night because he's never had difficulty.
I would never tell Baby B this but, honestly, if I had a singleton instead of twins and it was Baby A ... well ... I would be Michelle Duggar (minus the reality show and religion) because he is an easy baby. He only fusses when something is wrong, which isn't often, he eats well, burps well and entertains himself. He slept through the night at about three months or earlier and is a delight. On the other hand Baby B had colic, doesn't like when I leave the room, just recently stopped spitting up and is often fussy - don't get me wrong, I love the boys equally but the truth is the truth. So, when Baby A started screaming in the middle of the night I knew something was wrong.
I enjoy the saying, "Don't get happy," especially because we got happy. The boys were sleeping through the night ... about 7 p.m. to 6 a.m. or so. It was nice. We got used to it. So when Baby A woke up one night, a couple months ago, screaming, it was a shock, especially since he only cries when he is in pain, which isn't often. We thought it was gas so we tried the bicycle legs thing, we tried all sorts of things that you learn from Google at 1 a.m. The first time he cried for two hours. Then it was every other night or so, sometimes he'd go a week, sometimes two hours, sometimes 30 minutes. One time he did it in the middle of the afternoon after lunch so we assumed he'd been overfed.
Finally I noticed he made a swallowing sound and arched his back. After further research via Google we landed on reflux. We never considered this because during the day, especially during naps, he is fine. Also, we didn't think reflux would get worse over the months, we thought it would get better as they start eating solid-ish food and toddler-ing around. So, over the course of weeks, which felt like months, we tinkered with this and that, took him to the doctor and finally think things are OK.
I don't believe in absolutes so I don't think it's just reflux. I also believe mothering is a crapshoot. He also didn't want to go back in his bed and had a bit of separation anxiety/night waking going on. So, his doctor upped his dosage of Zantac (we learned as babies gain weight, their dosages typically need to be increased), elevated his bed with a pillow under one side of the mattress (close to 30 degrees), and we have him (and his brother) sit in their activity centers for 20-25 minutes after their last bottle of the day and before bed - I do bottle, breakfast, nap, bottle, lunch, nap, bottle, dinner, bottle, bedtime over the course of 12 hours, basically a bottle every four hours.
Is it a perfect solution? Who knows. I will be the first to admit defeat. You have to try different things and once you think you figured it out something else will change. Cest la vie.
Otherwise Baby A is a tall, skinny drink of water and laughs at everything with a nerdy "Revenge of the Nerds" style cackle. 
Let's not forget about his brother. Baby B is a big boy! He's walking like Frankenstein around the play pen and suffers from separation anxiety during the day but is (knock on wood) a good sleeper at night. He doesn't enjoy when I leave the room and needs a lot more attention than his brother. He's a handful when it's just me putting them to bed (especially during bathtime and anytime I need to feed them bottles at the same time). However, he's growing and is a sweet little guy.

Nine Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Embrace The Chaos

Life is funny when you are a stay-at-home mom of nine month old twins.
I was sitting here last night after the boys went to sleep (7 p.m. bedtime) thinking to myself wow, I haven't written a blog post in a really, really long time. In actuality, as I found out today, it's only been a month. Why on Earth did it feel like months upon months? It's because that's what this lifestyle will do to you.
Wake up around 6-6:30ish. My husband holds their wiggly bodies as I try to make bottles as quickly as possible. They eat then sit in their activity chairs while I make breakfast and my husband's lunch. He sets up The Octagon (North States Superyard gated play-thingy-ma-bob) before leaving for work. The boys and I play for a little (I'm referee) before Second Breakfast (baby food, oatmeal, yogurt). Then it's nap time for us three Bozos (yes, I nap too). Hopefully I can get about an hour, usually less, sometimes more. On those unfortunate days where one naps much longer than the other, our schedule is funky. Then it's repeat for bottles, activity chairs, Octagon, lunch, then nap time.
I try to keep to the schedule. Sometimes keeping them up a little longer, sometimes not. After their second nap it's bottles and play time then, if the weather is good, we go for a long walk (4-5 miles). Otherwise the elusive third nap is hard to come by because they love sleeping in their stroller, not so much their crib this late in the day.
Then it's dinner, bath time, bottle and bedtime for Bonzos at 7 p.m. In the back of my mind I hope they stay asleep.
Schedule, schedule, schedule - only mothers of multiples understand this I've come to find out.
The boys are in transition from baby food to solid food. We (as in me) started baby food at six months and slowly increased their intake every month (can you tell I'm a little meticulous? Wasn't before I had twins!). Now we were told (by the pediatrician) to buy the same foods they've been eating (sweet potatoes, peas, green beans, carrots, bananas, pears ... ) and cook them and/or mash them up so they are easier to eat.
Every few months I feel uneasy, as I do now. Just when I think I'm getting the hang of something, when I have a system down, when I'm feeling empowered, then change comes. It may be small, it may be large (like giving birth to twins!) but it comes and I must face it head on. They started sitting up, then crawling, then pulling themselves up, now they are hurling themselves forward trying to walk and using me as a jungle gym. Apparently every item in my home is something to chew on for them! "Hmm ... what is this thing? Can I chew on it? Oooo I can chew on it! Yum!" I am also under the sneaking suspicion they are constantly teething (Baby A has six teeth and Baby B is working on his seventh!).
However, it's all part of the process. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the chaos. Scream into a pillow during nap time. Embrace the chaos.

Eight Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Please Let Me Know If I've Gone Insane, Thanks

My twin sons are eight months old and I just used a knife to spread peanut butter on pieces of dark chocolate. I ate four pieces -- I'm talking about the king size Hershey's dark chocolate bar so these pieces ain't petite. Am I proud of myself? Not particularly but god almighty I may be losing my mind. No it's not because of the snack I just ate, which I saw a woman eat on an episode of "Cooking Yourself Thin." Of course she ate crap like that but still looked better than me. My body resembles a balloon filled with cottage cheese -- it's not that bad but don't women love to self-hate.
Anyway, I believe I'm losing it because I often don't know what month it is, let alone day. It feels like I'm running a never-ending marathon, racing towards what? A finish line? What's the finish line? I try to fit in things I enjoy or housework in between naps but I find it often leaves me exhausted and, honestly, I don't know what I enjoy anymore.
Sigh.
Day-in-day-out activities are hard enough but then something is thrown into the mix. During the boys midday nap yesterday I took the free time to cook hamburgers -- all you busy moms out there, cook bulk meat ahead of time and you have your protein for many meals in advance! Anyway, turns out the tinfoil I used had a tear because, before I knew it, I noticed smoke. I went into the kitchen and it was foggy. The smoke alarm went off and, of course, woke the boys from their nap. Can I never win? Then that night, when getting their bedroom ready before sleepytime (closing blinds, turning on sound machine), I noticed a bunch of flies hanging out on one of their windows. Seriously disgusting. Long story short, I think someone left the sliding glass door open downstairs and a bunch of flies got in and threw a party at the window getting the most sunlight.
I can't make this stuff up.My husband comes home from work looking like a GQ model and I look like something that crawled out of a sewer. Well, that's a little dramatic but girl I don't look good with my Walmart pajama pants, my tank top from .... well I don't know when or where this was purchased, my greasy glasses and equally greasy hair. I know this is a blip on the radar and I'll probably look back and laugh but I don't have a life, I don't have a identity. I feel like I'm not a person with thoughts, feelings and worth but a slave who must obey and never rest. I'm not allowed to feel because I still have to take care of my kids, whether I'm depressed or not. I must be selfless because they are itty bitty babies who need me.
Sorry for the pessimism but motherhood isn't always fabulous. However, my boys will be nine months old in eight days. Baby A is sitting up and yelling "Baa baa baa" often and Baby B has six teeth (Baby A has two) and is pulling himself up on anything and everything. They're happy (most of the time) and healthy so at least I'm doing something right!

Eight Month Old Fraternal Twins: Pulling Up On Furniture As My Sanity Weakens

I have eight month old fraternal twin boys -- 36 weeks if we're getting technical. Baby A continues to Army crawl as a means of travel. Baby B ... well he's a different story because even though they are twins they are still different babies. Baby B is pulling himself up on furniture and wobbling his way through life.
Frightening.
Last week he woke us up around 5 a.m. and I went in his room to find him standing in his crib, holding on to the side. What the heck?!? He loves to practice his new trick until he's exhausted.
I finally understand mothers who told me they loved the newborn stage. I wanted to scream in their face as I functioned on a few hours of sleep and struggled to care for a colicky newborn and his loveable but stubborn brother. However, now I somewhat understand. There was a silver lining in the newborn stage: you put them down and they stay there. Yeah, you were exhausted, hormonal and delirious but at least they stayed put.
Now, I was OK with crawling but this new stage resembles death-defying stunts. His legs shake unsteadily yet he slowly continues upward, pulling himself up on the couch, pack n play, activity center ... whatever he can find. He attempts to move sideways like a trapeze artist, slowly grabbing the furniture next to him.
When I put him down for a nap he pulls himself up to a standing position at least five times. My new workout is going downstairs, waiting until he fusses because he knows how to pull himself up but not sit back down, then walking up the stairs, taking his hands and showing him how to bend his knees and sit. Then I go back downstairs and wait for him to fuss again. I can feel the baby weight shedding off my body like a dog shedding hair in the summer! Or not.
Anyway, my husband purchased a play yard off Amazon that's 26 inches high and 34 square feet -- I wish my high school math teacher listened as we attempted to measure their current play area and figure out its square feet. For shame! The play yard can be used indoors and out.
However, I still am confused about this stage. Should I follow him around like a helicopter parent, making sure he doesn't fall and hurt himself - I've saved him from bumps and bruises too many times to count already. Or should I let him figure it out on his own? The problem is I feel like I am neglecting his brother who quietly plays with toys and crawls around. I figure he's old enough to do something, hurt himself, and figure out he shouldn't do that again or is he not old enough yet?
Ah yes the saga continues. Just when I was feeling confident in my mothering abilities one of them has to go and learn a new and dangerous trick. Yikes.

Almost Eight Month Old Fraternal Twins: Crawling Critters On The Move

My fraternal sons will be eight months old Sunday. I feel like they've been almost eight months old for 8,000 years. We are slowly inching to the one-year ... well, it's not a finish line but it definitely will be a milestone. Well, I'm inching but my sons are crawling, everywhere!
They've been crawling for a while now but their speed recently quickened. They can no longer use bouncy chairs as they learned how to sit up and attempt to escape. No bueno for mama. So, we went from one Baby Einstein activity center thing-a-ma-bob to two. Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. This new one, bought yesterday, has sound so let's see how long it takes before that drives me nuts.
Yesterday Baby B attempted to pull himself up and, for about 30 seconds, was successful. Frightening. Part of me wants to keep them in the activity centers all the ding dong day but the other, louder part knows it's good for them to crawl around, learn boundaries and get exercise.
Sigh.
I'm out of my league here and overwhelmed. They are also eating baby food three times a day and I've asked advice from friends, family and my doctor but still feel like I'm winging motherhood. It's so crazy I'm allowed to be in charge, I can hardly believe it sometimes.
Just when I got comfortable, things changed. I have a feeling this will happen again and again and again.

Almost Eight Month Old Fraternal Twins: Having A Birthday When You're A Mom

I am a stay-at-home mother of almost eight month old fraternal twins and today is my birthday. It's my first birthday where it's not about me.
My day was basically the same except my husband gave me a couple gifts this morning and I get to eat an unhealthy meal tonight - usually we save the bad-for-you food for the weekend. I also got Facebook birthday greetings from my online friends.
Last year I was pregnant so it was an usual birthday (i.e. sans alcohol) but not completely different like this year. When I was pregnant people told me to soak up the love because once the babies came out people wouldn't care about you anymore. I didn't think much about this because I was more focused on growing humans inside me! I'm sure I've felt unnoticed over the past eight months but it wasn't until my birthday that I finally felt like the invisible woman.
I am the invisible woman. I am braless in pajamas with dried oatmeal on my shirt. My hair is falling out of the bun I put it in at 5 a.m. I have not brushed my teeth or washed my face.
I am listening to the baby monitor, waiting for Baby B to wake since he's been asleep almost two hours. Sounds nice, right? Wrong. I have twins. Just because Baby B snoozes doesn't mean Baby A snoozes. They went down for their first nap together but Baby B decided 30 minutes was adequate while Baby A went for the hour-and-a-half snoozeapalooza. So their schedule is off today. As far as the second nap of the day, Baby A has only been napping for a half an hour. When's my nap? No nap for invisible with food to cook, laundry to do, blah blah blah. The coffee is coursing through my veins at a slow purr.
I figure if I started writing this blog, Baby B would wake but he's still asleep.
Did I say I was tired? Women told me in a couple years I'll have my birthdays back, whatever that means. It's hard to come to terms with this but I won't have anything back. Nothing is coming back. No 9-5 hustle with carefree weekends. No lazy wondering what to make for dinner and lounging while watching a television show in the evening. I can hardly make it to 8:30 p.m. but, in a cruel twist, can't fall asleep until at least 10 p.m. No sleeping in. No wandering around Target for fun. Do I want it back? No, especially if that means giving up my children. I love them so much love isn't the word to capture the feeling. Do I miss being carefree, or at least reminiscing on how carefree my life was even though I didn't know at the time? Of course I do.
Happy birthday to mommy, happy birthday to me.

Seven Month Old Fraternal Twins: Don't Give Up Hope

My sons are closing in on the eight-month mark. They are smiling, laughing, chatty little creatures who can crawl and roll and bring me more joy than I thought possible. They can also drive me nuts.
Case in point, they started waking up an hour earlier than usual.
Now, I want to get one thing clear. I understand some women have babies (or a baby) who don't sleep through the night for a long time. My sister complained her youngest didn't sleep through the night (I don't mean a five-hour stretch, I mean through the night) until she was a year old. Although I feel bad for parents who are still being woken up in the night, I have my own fish to fry. I have a hard time remembering things could be worse when I am tired and grouchy at 5 a.m. I don't see anything wrong with this. Over the past seven, almost eight, months I changed dramatically but that's one area I won't change.
My sons were sleeping from about 6:30-7 p.m. (sometimes 7:30) until 6 a.m. (we even had a 6:30 a.m. once!) I'd rather wake up naturally when my body decides I've rested long enough but I'll take the 6 a.m. because ... well ... I have to take it because it's my life. Over the past few days the boys started waking at 5 a.m. Nothing in their lives changed within the past few days.
Insert baby guessing game.
Instead of months ago when I was dealing with a colicy baby, the question moves from, "Why is my baby crying?" to "Why is my baby waking up earlier?" Growth spurt? Need more food? One baby is waking the other up? Karma for being a sarcastic smart ass? Why? Why? Why?
Thank God for sixth grade when I learned the scientific method. Before I freak out and give up let's take a moment and think. It's easy to react without thinking but I've learned when it comes to babies, it's smart to take a moment and think things through.
My children eat every three hours. When they wake up they're offered 8 ounces of formula and sometimes don't drink it all. Every three hours they are offered food, with a vegetable, fruit and oatmeal offered three times a day. How do I know this? I am a stay-at-home mom and am the one doing the offering. They go down for a nap in their cribs after being awake for two hours. Every night at 6 p.m. they are given a bath and their last food of the day before it's bedtime for Bonzo(s). Schedule, schedule, schedule!
So, I don't want to make a rookie mistake and change something dramatic right now. The only thing I can figure is they are hungry, hence the waking up earlier to feed. Instead of three spoonfuls of each food three times a day I am upping it to four. If that's too much then they won't eat as much formula. Now, my sister who I sometimes thinks believes she is Mother Nature in human form, advised me you don't really need to feed them baby food until they are a year old, breast is best. She don't have twins so me no care. My babies are off the charts for size and weight so they need more than formula and the food helps my spitter-upper not spit up so much.
We will see how it goes today and tomorrow morning with the extra food. All you can do is think things through and hope for the best!

Seven Month Old Twins: To Drink Or Not To Drink, That Is The Question

I am a stay-at-home mother of seven month old twins. After putting my babies to bed around 7-7:30, a drink sounds good. It sounds really good. Alas, I don't often partake because it doesn't help.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I missed alcohol. I was a bit of a weekend wino pre-baby and the thought of no alcohol for nine months was daunting. However, after a few months my cravings went from Pinot Noir to food, food, food. I was interested in eating and sleeping.
After giving birth to twins last October - I still find this hard to believe - I had a beer once after breastfeeding and it did not help my post partum depression, which I wasn't aware I was suffering from. After dealing with my issues, with the help of a supportive family and Zoloft, I was back sans anti-depressants but with a taste for Chardonnay. I had a glass or two every night. It was helpful for the hour or so I consumed them, especially after long days, but wasn't so helpful afterwards when my sleep was affected.
In an attempt to support my weight loss regime, I switched from wine to vodka tonics. I didn't think I could go without alcohol because being a mother of twins is the hardest thing I have ever done. Again, same scenario. Helped me relax for an hour or two but then it didn't help my sleep.
Now, here I sit in the land of Live-And-Learn-Twin-Parenting and I don't drink during the week. Yes, I'm still tired in the morning but I try to get out for a walk with the boys or a run solo to help my stress level. I know it's better for me and better for the boys. On the weekend I might have one or two drinks a night but that's about my limit. Sometimes I slip up and have a drink during the week but it isn't often.
The mix of drinking and parenting is similar to parenting itself. My children are different from your children and I need to find out, often the hard way, what works for them. Some mothers have a glass or two of booze a night and it helps them. That's great! I'm happy for all the good mamas out there getting time to relax because we deserve it! Some mothers don't partake. That's great too! To each their own but think about what's best for you and best for your child.
Yes, I could use a drink right now but instead I'm going to bed. The boys and I went for a 5-mile walk today and I feel pretty good. Do I feel great? No! I'm a stay-at-home mom of twin babies who are on the move. However, I feel OK and that works for me!
I'm sure in a few months or a year I will return to a glass of wine a night, when things aren't as stressful. Key word is as because it will always be stressful. However, right now the boys need my full and undivided attention and often need me during the night once or twice. It's hard to believe, and especially hard to remember, they are changing every day. They will one day, sooner than later, play together and not need me to constantly feed, burp, soothe and keep them from danger. Mind boggling.

Seven Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Blame Everything On Teething

I don't know how many weeks old my sons are and months are easier than weeks so ... they are between seven and eight months. Good enough? Better be because I'm tired. I go to bed before 10 p.m. and typically wake up around 6 a.m. with the help of Melatonin and Calms Forte (google it because it rocks) yet I am tired. Tired, tired, tired.
Taking care of twins is exhausting, no matter the age. Today they woke up at 7 a.m. but I still got up at 6-6:30ish (not a morning person so don't remember the time). I was restless until they arose because I knew they would get up soon and also wondered if they were dead because sleeping from 7:30 p.m. to 7 a.m. sounded too picture perfect to me. Alas they were asleep and I'm stressed out but I've learned it doesn't matter much how I'm feeling because two babies still need food, love, attention and structure.
So, downstairs we went for food, play, nap, repeat. They went to bed around 7 p.m. tonight after violently protesting me putting clothes on them after their bath. I don't know why but they don't like having clothes put on after their bath ... maybe because they know what's coming next (falling asleep on the bottle).
I noticed lately any time one of them fusses or seems tired or unhappy I blame it on teething. When I speak to my mother, my m-i-l or husband, they blame it on teething. Baby A has a temperature ... he's teething. Baby B is restless ... he's teething. Heaven forbid they actually have something else wrong with them because I will think it's teething!
It's comforting to believe it's teething because otherwise you'll go crazy trying to figure out what's wrong. The boys eat formula with pureed fruits, vegetables and oatmeal three times a day. They roll over and Baby B is trying to crawl. Instead of crawling he gets on all fours and hurls himself forward. Baby A is more Lieutenant Dan from "Goodwill Hunting" because he crawls forward as if his legs don't work.
Onward and upward!

Almost Seven Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Advice From Others, Do Your Thing Mama

My sons will be seven months old Thursday. It's been a wild ride and there's way off. Pessimistic? Probably. It's OK to not be happy-go-lucky June Cleaver-ish. I tried to be Super Homemaker and ended up partially insane but with a clean home and semi-happy babies. Now I'm going for a mix of June Cleaver and Peg Bundy (Katey Sagal never ages!). I will clean, make meals and take care of my children while enjoying the Bon Bons of the world from time to time. Some days the house will be cleaner than others and that's OK.
I love my boys. I can't describe the feeling when they see my face and smile, to watch them grow and learn new things (Baby B is attempting to crawl, aka hurl his body forward while on all fours), to listen to them babble as if I understood their sounds ... it's amazing and draining.
My last post brought criticism. It was suggested I eat well and sleep more because my health is more important than checking e-mails and writing updates. Whoa lady, back your truck up because I don't agree.
I eat healthy - I weigh my food and only eat lean protein, fruits, vegetables, nuts and grain. I have a couple cheat meals on the weekend. I get in bed around 8:30-9 p.m. every night after taking a Melatonin and my babies typically sleep until 6 a.m. I only have a couple drinks on the weekend. I drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day. I'm tired most of the time because twin childcare is exhausting.
However, all you mamas out there, listen up! It's important to sneak in time for yourself throughout the day. Do things you enjoy! I check my e-mail a few times, possibly Facebook, watch trashy TV (I watch "Days Of Our Lives"), and play Scramble With Friends. I write blog entries to help twin moms because I felt very alone while pregnant and during the first few months but also to vent my frustrations.
I know to many people I am and will be for many years to come Baby A and Baby B's mom but to my friends and family I am me. I handle stress the same way and enjoy the same things as before I have my boys. Am I supposed to ignore that and eat, sleep, breath twins? How is that healthy? It's important to have something to enjoy when the babies are napping or sleeping or are content. It keeps you sane.
I'm never going to be June Cleaver. My hobbies won't be needlepoint, cake decorating and arranging tea roses and I won't wear elegant outfits with perfect hair and makeup while serving my family extravagant dinners in a spotless dining room. I don't want to be her. I will make meals for my family and take care of the home but I won't let it consume my life. Happy mommy, happy babies!

Six Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: End Of The Week Blues

I am a stay-at-home mother of six-and-a-half month twins (28-1/2 weeks) and I finally learned there is no weekend. There is no Dana, only Zuul ... there is no weekend, only motherhood.
It's Friday but it doesn't matter because there's no rest in my job. I could have a cocktail, maybe stay up a little later but my sons will wake up at their typical 4:30 to 5 a.m. and might possibly fuss during the night. Might possibly? Lately it's been highly likely.
I'm frustrated every evening because I know I should go to bed early but it's my only time to relax. It's like I'm the rope in a game of tug of war but nobody ever wins.
It's 8:41 p.m. My babies fell asleep at 7 p.m. and one of them just started crying so me thinks it's going to be a long night. I know this doesn't last forever. They are getting older every day but it feels endless.

Six Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Getting Out Of The House

My fraternal twin boys turned 28 weeks today and I am beginning to learn how to get out of the house with them in tow. The cruel Jack Frost finally, I hope, went away for another year and springtime is upon us. Green grass, budding flowers, bunnies hopping along and me, people mowing their lawns exactly one minute after I put my boys down for a nap (I'm serious) ... a housebound stay-at-home twin mom itching to get out!
However, how do I stick to the damn schedule? I learn everything the hard way, especially with my boys. So, I now know the importance of a schedule, especially when it comes to sleep. Good naps during the day equals good sleep at night. My boys thrive on consistency and calm.
When they first wake in the morning, if it's a decent time, we do 8 ounce bottles, sitting in their chairs for 30 minutes to digest (and so I can do some things around the house), then they take turns in their play-yard-thingy-ma-bob and rolling around on a blanket on the floor. At the two-hour mark it's nap time. This continues all day until 6 p.m. bathtime. Then it's bottle, Zantac, Tylenol (they are teething like rabid dogs) and some food. We are currently doing one spoonful of oatmeal, a veggie and a fruit three times a day. Then it's lights out campers!
Today I had to take my husband to work (we are currently a one car family) because the boys had a doctor's appointment at 11 a.m. to see about their colds. I figure it's not serious since they don't have fevers and aren't in great distress but it was comforting to know for sure. So, that's two trips in the car into town and back (we live in the boonies). This really did a number on them and when we finally got home from the doctor's appointment, which took almost two hours, they were a mess. Hungry and tired but a tired where they are past the point of somewhat calmly taking a nap yet not at the point of no return.
Thankfully they are napping right now but I can't help but wonder how I can successfully get my big butt (still trying to lose the baby weight) out of the house with A & B in tow while not screwing up the whole day because then they won't sleep as well at night. Also, I am of the school of thought where activities outside of the home should benefit them -- a ride in the stroller to get fresh air ... that's about it because babies at their age don't need to do much else. Sleep, eat, play, repeat.
Yuck. If it's not one thing it's another. Am I right or am I right? I will get the hang of it and then things will change because that's life!

Mother of Fraternal Twins: Random Rant Directed at Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow was recently quoted in an interview discussing movie star parenting vs. normal parenting.
"I think it's different when you have an office job, because it's routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you're shooting a movie, they're like, 'We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,' and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it's not like being on set."
Is she kidding? Seriously? How degrading.
Boo hoo, I had to leave my children for two weeks with a nanny while I shot a movie and received mucho dinero in return.
Boo hoo. I had to leave them with a nanny while I had my hair and makeup done to go to a movie premiere and drink wine, eat fancy food and mingle with celebrities.
Boo hoo, I have more than enough money to pay for a chef and personal trainer so I look fabulous.
Boo hoo, I was paid a lot of money to work with Robert Downey Jr. and play his love interest.
Listen GOOP, I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face today, let alone showered. I haven't gotten a haircut for over four months and can't remember the last time I had a manicure or pedicure. Currently my manicure of choice is chewing the skin around my nails because I am beyond stressed.
My pajama bottoms and Old Navy tank top from 1995 are covered in baby spit-up and I just fed two babies pureed green beans, peaches, oatmeal and two bottles at once while watching Dr. Oz's segment on losing weight because I haven't lost the baby weight yet. Both of my children are sick with colds and I'm exhausted having to juggle one crying baby while soothing the other. My lunch consisted of a piece of plain chicken on two frozen waffles because I ran out of bread.
I am a stay-at-home mom who can't afford a nanny or even a babysitter. You are a spoiled celebrity who doesn't feed her children pasta, bread or rice and follows a diet free of gluten, dairy, chicken's eggs and fun. At least I'm still married.
Rant over.

Six Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Baby's First Cold, Dealing With Fuss

My fraternal twin boys turned six months last week and it has gotten better. The experienced twin moms were right: they sleep longer at night, interact with you more, and it's not as exhausting. I was beginning to get the hang out if when, wham bam, one of the twins got sick - Baby A. It took one day for Baby B to catch it ... whatever it is - runny nose, congestion, fussiness (a cold? Caused by teething?).
After their six-month wellness checkup, their doctor told me they needed to be checked for anemia. He wasn't concerned and said it was a routine so I figured better safe than sorry. After their morning feeding, I took them to our local diagnostic testing facility and we waited for quite some time. Finally it was our turn and, to my astonishment, it wasn't a finger prick. These boys needed blood drawn. What the heck?!? How much blood is needed to test for anemia and, more importantly, how much blood do these little monsters have?
To make a long story short, they had trouble finding a vein on Baby A so he got pricked twice. Poor little guy was a mess. When we finally got home I fed them what little they would eat and tried to get them to nap but Baby A wasn't having it and that's when I noticed the runny nose. Fast forward to the end of the week and here we sit with both boys sick.
Yesterday was a nightmare - hardly napping (maybe a total of two hours all day in 30-minute increments). They were exhausted but wouldn't go down easily or stay asleep long and wouldn't eat (probably about half what they normally eat). They screamed, thrashed and fussed throughout the afternoon and I lost my shit.
I didn't shake a baby or hurt them but I was beyond frustrated. The tears flowed. They didn't want to be in their cribs, they didn't want me to hold them, they didn't want to be in their chairs or on the floor. The porridge was too hot, too cold and never just right and Goldilocks (me) was deep into that time of the month for her womanly curse. Pregnancy wasn't fun but I sure enjoyed not having my period.
Anyway, my husband came straight home from work instead of hitting the gym and I went for a run to clear my head. He gave me some tough love today about how I need to suck it up and, obviously, we got in a fight. It reminds me of singleton moms who profess they understand the plight of MoMs (Moms of Multiples). I would love for him to spend a full day home alone with them but I have a feeling that will be the day they are perfect angels and the experiment will yield, "What's your problem? This is easy!"
I called my doctor about my sick babies and was informed all I can do is promote sleep, give lots of fluids and keep it calm. Maybe someone will give me a bath, feed me a bottle and tuck me in tonight or at least let me have some time alone.

P.S. As I write this Baby B is upstairs asleep and Baby A is bouncing in his Baby Einstein activity center thing-a-ma-bob and is obviously pooping -- grunting, red face. I can't help but feel embarrassed and decide to go get another coffee so I can give him some privacy!

Six Month Old Twin Fraternal Boys: Trying To Lose Baby Weight, Only Accomplished Losing My Mind

I was walking to the checkout at Super Wal-mart (the prices can't be beat) and noticed swimsuits on sale. Ugh. It's almost swimsuit season and I gave birth to twins six months ago.Last year at this time I was slowly growing larger, still in the stage where it's inappropriate to ask if I'm pregnant because I looked like I could have went on a burrito bender. I spent the summer large and don't want to do it again because, this time around, I can't wear a sign declaring I had twins in October and everyone should take that into consideration before judging my beach body. Not to mention how uncomfortable it will be to unleash the flab.
I gained 70 pounds while pregnant. Also, when I got pregnant I was a little heavier than normal. So, I'm trying to lose the baby weight first and then work on those extra 10 pounds or so. I've lost 55 pounds so far. My body is also shaped differently and I am carrying most of my weight around my belly and arms.
It's frustrating mostly because I've been on a diet since sixth grade. Slim Fast, Atkins, low calorie, low fat, cleansing, South Beach, Weight Watchers, Subway ... I've tried them all. I know my issue is I eat my emotions so I shouldn't keep junk food in the house. I'm now on the Weight Not diet, along with my husband, which is basically lean meats, veggies, fruits and low on the grains. I weigh my food also. It's a good plan if I stick to it and work out but I'm impatient. I want to lose weight fast! I have a friend's wedding coming up, a bachelorette party for a good friend, and, dear God, my 30th birthday. Pictures, pictures, pictures with me hiding in the background.
Am I expecting too much? I read the April 7 edition of "People" (I'm trying to class it up from my usual "US Weekly") and noticed a page dedicated to "Body After Baby." Jaime King, Fergie, Kate Winslet and Halle Berry are featured looking svelte and amazing 3-5 months after giving birth. I almost threw up in my coffee cup but then remembered the coffee is the only thing keeping me going because I'm not a celebrity. I don't have a nanny, my kids don't even go to daycare. I don't have a professional chef and, like Jaime King, can't afford to use an organic meal-delivery service. I could only nurse for so long until I finally figured nursing twins is insane. I go to the gym or run when I can but don't have a personal trainer and, honestly, when I have free time it's hard to use it working out instead of sleeping or enjoying a cup of coffee alone at Dunkin Donuts (it's the simple things).
Is "People" telling its readers this is the norm? My boys are six months old so, according to People, I should be "flaunting" my "sexy silhouette." I can't help but think this because what else are they telling me? I told my husband but he brushed it off, explaining these women are rich and have personal chefs, nannies and personal trainers because they need to look good for their jobs. Makes sense but doesn't make me feel better, especially since I know he'd enjoy a slimmer, more toned wife.
Here I sit in my living room with my twins tiring of their toys, swings and play centers, looking at me for attention. Sigh. What I wouldn't give for a Bloody Mary, a nanny, a mani/pedi, a haircut, a shower and a tray of pastries.

Almost Six-Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: I Still Fear Change

My fraternal twin boys will be 6 months old in five days and I still hate change. You'd think I would have gotten over this about six months ago when my life turned upside down but, alas, I still ain't a fan.
My sons couldn't be more different. Baby B was the colicky cry-baby and Baby A was the I-put-myself-to-sleep angel who only cried when something was definitely wrong. I got used to this, I relied on this, I based my days around this and was beginning to think, "Hey, this isn't that bad." However, now it's upside down.
They were sleeping through the night long enough to take for granted, especially last night when Baby A started crying at midnight. My husband tapped me awake, as I wear ear plugs to drown out his snoring and sleep-talking, saying it was my turn because he consoled him an hour ago. What happened to my angel?
So, I consoled and offered a pacifier and a quick back rub before slipping back into bed. Amid crappy dreams (I never have pleasant dreams featuring dark chocolate dripping off Tom Hardy's chest ... sigh) my husband woke me at 4:30 a.m. to cries from the nursery -- sounds like the title of a mystery novel. He informed me he'd been up most of the night - not sure why he didn't wake me for our usual take-turn night parenting. Both boys ate as Baby A woke up Baby B with his screaming.
Who's this baby and what happened to my good boy?
This change may seem simple but these boys are my world as I am a stay-at-home mom. I'm their main caretaker and ... well ... this made me depressed. What if they get sick or start fussing and I need to figure out what's wrong? What if something is wrong and I mistake it for simply being fussy? What if? What if? What if? What if?
Finally today, after feeding Baby A and watching him fall asleep in my arms, I thought, "You know what?! There's nothing I can do so I need to embrace the chaos. Embrace the change." There's nothing else I can do except try my best, know my limitations, remember I'm not supermom because there is no supermom and these boys need me. Also, remember to breathe! 

5-month-old Fraternal Twin Boys: Getting Your Twins To Sleep Through The Night

Last night, I started this post on getting your twins to sleep through the night. Of course, afterwards, one of my boys awoke at 11 p.m. fussing up a storm. It reminded me babies are people: we have bad days, bad dreams and all sorts of things. So, one bad night shouldn't make me give up on the Holy Grail of Sleeping Through The Night!

My post:
If I told you my 5-month-old twins are crawling and can say "Mama," you would be jealous, right? You'd wonder what's wrong with your kid(s). Why is motherhood competitive? Well, don't worry because they can't crawl or talk but my babies can sleep through the night and have for a couple months. No, I don't mean for five hours at a time because that's crap. That's not sleeping through the night to me! That's a tease! My boys typically sleep 7 p.m. to 4 or 5 or even 6 a.m. (with the occasional 2 a.m. if there's a growth spurt afoot). No books were used, no wacky suggestions were explored ... I got to know my babies.
My oldest is typically a good baby so when I see his sleep tell (rubs his eyes) I put him down for a nap. As for his brother, I did wimpy cry-it-out for a couple months, putting him in another room in a pack 'n' play and letting him cry, only comforting him (don't pick your baby up!) every five minutes. It took time and sometimes I really, really wanted to pick up my whiny baby but I'm glad I didn't. I transitioned him to his crib when I thought he was ready and now that's where he naps. Yes, he occasionally fusses but it's usually for five minutes or less. Also, I put them down for a nap at the same time, every time.
From day one there is great concern over sleep. You sleeping, your babies sleeping, getting them to sleep more, getting them to sleep at the same time ... sleep, sleep, sleep. I read articles, blogs, asked friends, please oh please how can I get them to sleep?!? What did I learn? Every baby is different and I need to be patient.
I had my babies via C-section at 3 a.m. in the morning so I started this party with no sleep. Our hospital stay is a blur but then we ventured home and it wasn't that bad. They slept constantly, wanting to eat every 3 hours. Sometimes they woke us up to eat and sometimes we woke them -- I can still hear the sound of the alarm we used. It wasn't so terrible. I got used to this setup and that's when it changed.
They didn't sleep as much. They fussed, they whined and cried and my sleep tally diminished. My hormones dropped and I was a mess. Luckily my in-laws helped so we did Baby Roulette at night for a couple months (felt like a couple years). Baby A most likely wasn't sleeping well during this period because after 3 a.m., sometimes 2, he was trying to poop, grunting loudly. It was funny, annoying and sad all wrapped in one. His brother simply freaked out often and developed colic -- screaming for an hour or so. Every morning my in-laws would ask how my night went and I remember mumbling how I'd gotten an hour of sleep, sometimes two. Four hours of sleep in a row was Heaven on Earth.
It wasn't fun. I spent my days comforting a colicy baby and feeding, feeding, feeding. I felt like a zombie.
Around the three-month mark we (my husband and I) decided to go it solo. Days alone with my boys helped me discover who they are. I followed the saying: Sleep begets sleep. Slowly and surely they slept more during the night. Sorry if some of this is glazed over but, honestly, I blocked out the worst of it because my brain is kind.
My plan: I fill them up during the day, feeding them every three hours: formula with rice cereal (to help with reflux and spitting up) and a small amount of easy-to-digest baby food (check out Dr. Sears for a guide) and oatmeal. I don't let them stay awake more than two hours at a timebecause I find that's good for them right now. When tired Baby A rubs his eyes, Baby B gets fussy.
The hardest part about babies is there's no consistency. I know sooner than later they will change and my schedule, or attempt at a schedule, will change. I used to fear change and I am still not a fan but I need to go with the flow.
Although there's no consistency for me, babies love consistency. If you were in a strange land with strange people where everything was new ... wouldn't you want something to rely on? They are simple creatures so every night at 6 p.m. we do bath time, then a bottle with the lights turned down low and chill music on, then bedtime in their crib. Every single night. I put on their sound machine, which also has a projector, and humidifier and shut the door. They have come to rely on this and that is why they sleep more. It took some time but they've gotten the hang of this.
When I put them down for a nap and Baby B fusses I make myself do wimpy-cry-it-out because he needs to learn he is OK and will feel much better after his nap. Consistency. Every time they cry my or my husband's face is there.
So, get to know your kids and use that to build a consistent feeding and sleep schedule. Every baby is different because that's what makes them wonderful! Unique little creatures you created! Also, I hate this saying (I especially hated it about three months ago) but it gets better! It really does but it gets worse before it gets better.

Reader Question: Baby gear, getting ready for twins

Checked my e-mail and, lo and behold, I got a question! My boys are napping (thank God) so I'll take a crack but ... please remember I'm far from an expert. I'm a stay-at-home mom of 23-week-old fraternal twin boys. Although, they are healthy so maybe I'm doing something right! At four months they were 27 inches and 16 pounds!
I read your blog as I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with identical twin boys. I am attempting to get ready for them and I was wondering if lthere was any sort of baby gear that you wished you'd known about before they got there? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I don't have identicals so you might want to develop a system for telling them apart -- finger nail polish, different colored clothing ... my babies couldn't look more different (envision a pale redhead and an olive skinned brunette). It was hard enough remembering who I fed and who I didn't, I couldn't imagine if they looked the same. My suggestion would be to Google it and find a reputable site, I like Baby Center, and see if you like any suggestions.
Buy a clipboard and look online for a baby feeding chart. At their first checkup the nurse asked how many ounces they eat and how many diapers they go through in a day... I was like, say what!? It makes me feel like their nurse instead of mother but whatta gonna do? I started with one chart but found another I like better. http://www.vertex42.com/exceltemplates/baby-feeding-schedule.html -- I like this one because I can also chart sleeping/napping habits and write comments.
The first item that comes to mind is the Fisher Price Newborn Rock 'N' Play Sleeper. I wish we purchased these sooner because it was awesome -- sadly they outgrew them! It's inclined, which helped with acid reflux and spit-up, and is deep and cushioned, which made them feel cozy. It rocks and vibrates -- almost makes me want one for myself. I don't know how many nights I slept while rocking a baby with my foot. You can comfort your child without going quite as insane as you would have without it -- even my colicky baby liked this contraption!
Babies love routine. Every night we do a bath at 6 p.m. in Fisher Price Whale of A Tub, have a bottle, then they go down for the night with a humidifier running and their sound machine playing white noise. We tried the heartbeat noise but it felt like Edger Allan Poe's "The Telltale Heart." Our sound machine also has a projector with pictures of underwater animals.
We started with Avent bottles -- I think we got some at our baby shower. They were fine but our babies had, and still have, acid reflux and one of them is a mostly-happy spitter and those bottles leaked and sucked. I researched a better bottle and found Dr. Browns. They help keep the air out and have a wide mouthed kind that makes it easier when you put a scoop of formula in while holding a screaming baby with 1% patience. We have 10 bottles and I do a load of dishes every night. Remember, they only need formula/breastmilk and bottles for a year. Just a blip on the radar but the blip feels endless.
My husband's aunt helped for a week when they were small and bought us a Munchkin Deluxe Drying Rack. It's awesome for keeping bottles organized and easily accessible.
Stretchy pants (for them) are awesome for doing quick diaper changes. Whoever invented baby clothes with snaps ... watch your back because I'm coming for you! They are so frustrating.
I had the My Breast Friends Twin Pillow for breastfeeding -- I did it for four weeks (felt like four years). I stopped because my postpartum depression was awful and I needed chemical help. Twice the hormones with twins, twice the drop. Thankfully that only lasted a couple months and I'm chemical free (except wine/bourbon) but I didn't want to risk tainting my milk. If I were still breastfeeding I would solely pump and bottle feed. So much easier. Tandem feeding newborns was insane, especially with one who was, for lack of a better word, aggressive on the boob. For the women who did it, good for you! That's awesome but stop making me feel bad. I couldn't breastfeed longer and that's OK! My children won't have three eyes and I won't go nuts and be found naked, screaming on the freeway.
Also, have a postpartum depression buddy and don't be afraid to ask for help. Sitting around a table with my in-laws (who helped us so much) and husband while talking about my depression was awkward and I felt like a bad mother but it was worth it and they understood.
Velcro swaddle sleepers are awesome. I wish we used them more because I'm not the best swaddler and tiny babies love to be swaddled ... well except for one of my twins. You need to stay organized and have a system down so a Velcro swaddler takes a few steps out of your routine. Much appreciated!
We have two Fisher Price My Little Snuggle Bunny Bouncy Chairs, which are great, especially for feeding at the same time, but now their legs hang off. Recently someone gave us a Deluxe Take-Along-Swing and boy that thing is awesome. It has toys hanging on either side, to hold their attention, and it folds up for easy travel ... like we go anywhere! It has a light/music thingy but they don't seem to like that part because, honestly, it's like a night club ... you know, when we mamas were young and hip enough to party at night outside our house! Now I just want to go to bed. Anyway, it obviously swings and is great.
Cribs ... they slept in their car seats for about month or so before we got Rock 'N' Plays so ... yeah, cribs can wait until the 3-month mark but I recommend convertible toddler beds to save money down the road. We have two Pack 'N' Plays with bassinets and they napped together in there for the first couple months when they actually napped! I now only have one Pack 'N' Play downstairs (I keep the other at my in-laws). I used it to do wimpy-cry-it-out with one of my babies but now he naps in his crib. I figure if I put it away I will need to use it so I keep it up.
I also have a Baby Bjorn and an Ergo Baby but haven't used them much this winter. I have a Contours Options LT Tandem Stroller which is fine ... was having trouble with it today but I need to read the manual to figure out how to adjust the seats.
For most of our baby stuff, if not all, we used Amazon for ratings and customer reviews. Definitely helped our choice.
If you are on Facebook please, oh please, join The Official Group of National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. I know a lot of moms with singletons but hardly anyone with twins. Having twins is harder than having a singleton and much different, whether people want to admit it or not, so it was so nice to have a group I could chat with 24/7 for advice, suggestions and support. I think my first post was when the boys were two weeks old: "Please tell me it gets better because I am so lost right now."
I could go on but my best advice is get to know your babies and fly by the seat of your pants. The less the better ... babies are simple and want love, food, a clean diaper and consistency. Don't read too much online because you'll go insane. Every baby is different. I have a child who likes a pacifier, hates boppies, puts himself to sleep (more or less), likes to be down on the floor rolling around, and needs a good burp after a big feed. My other child isn't so keen on pacifiers, loves boppies, had to go through wimpy-cry-it-out, wants to be held, and spits up like a volcano even when he hasn't eaten for a couple hours. Have a sense of humor, remember they are trying to figure out how to be a person, and ... well, it's funny because I used to hate when people told me this, but it gets better. I used to want to give my boys back to ... whoever ... and thought I ruined my life but now I couldn't imagine life without them.

Five Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: Questions, Comments From The Peanut Gallery

I don't know if any readers are interested -- or if I have regular readers -- but if you have questions or comments you want discussed please e-mail me at doloresprice80@gmail.com. I'd love to get a conversation going!

Five Month Old Twins - Sleep, perchance to dream: Naps, naps, naps

A baby is crying. He's in the bassinet of a pack-n-play, where he napped for about 20 minutes. Obviously he awoke, remembering he's not with me on the floor of the living room, kicking his legs, spitting up all over and having a gay old time. Oh wait ... he stopped crying. I want to take a peek but don't know if he fell asleep or found something shiny for his wondering eyes because if the second reason is the case he will start bawling when he sees my big face.
Life through a baby's eyes. Creepy. One minute you're just waking up, the next minute a huge face appears from nowhere. Life must be one huge magic trick to babies. Huge monsters walking around while you wiggle on the floor. People making the cute-baby-face with their wide-eyed, wide-mouthed exclamations. Loud noises ... I could go on because everything is new to them. My twins are 23 weeks so they haven't been outside the womb longer than they've been inside. My mind is blown, which doesn't take much because I'm tired.
So, I rolled the dice and he's asleep. THANK THE LORD, SWEET JESUS. I like when they nap and leave me the hell alone a few times a day. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't care. However, how much should a baby nap?
I'm supposed to work towards two big naps a day -- morning and afternoon -- and I'm supposed to establish regular nap times. Right? I established a set bedtime routine: bath at 6 p.m. then you get butt pasted, diapered and lotioned up before footie pajamas, then Zantac, Tylenol if needed (welcome to Teething Central ladies and gentleman), a bottle, baby food (currently enjoying apples), then 1, 2, 3 ... down for the count. What about naps? Right now it's about every two hours. I don't set my watch by it, instead I look for cues. Baby A rubs his eyes, Baby B fusses. Also, I recently started not getting them from their nap unless they cry for more than five minutes because they often will go back to sleep for a while.
Baby B usually naps downstairs in his pack-n-play while Baby A is upstairs in his crib. Yesterday Baby B did well transitioning to his crib but not-so-much today. Problem with twins is while Baby B was wiggin' out, I didn't want Baby A to wake up. I know I should have made Baby B figure it out in his crib while assuring him everything is gonna be alright mon, but one upset baby is better than two. So, I tried to rock him but he wasn't having it so downstairs we went to his pack-n-play for a two minute cry before slumber.
Sigh. Is it 5 o'clock yet? On another note, for the moms of singletons in my life: the advice is appreciated but with a taste of annoyance because you don't know what it's like to have two babies at once and never will. Please, oh please, stop pretending you do because it ain't the same.

Five Month Old Twins: Oh God, one of them has a tooth

I am a stay-at-home mother of fraternal boys and Lord All Mighty I went on vacation last week. My husband had a work conference in Nashville, Tenn. (a plane ride away) and I tagged along while my in-laws watched the boys. I looked forward to the trip, and felt guilty for looking forward to the trip, but here I sit and it's as if I never went. Cest la vie.
However, I was glad to come home to my monsters. Had they changed? Grown an inch or gained a pound? Hard to tell but my youngest (by one minute) sprouted a tooth! So, that's why he's been fussing for 300 years! Tomorrow they will be 23 weeks so it's a tad early on the judgmental Baby Scale, especially since they were three weeks early, but babies reach milestones whenever the hell they want!
Hopefully his brother, Senor No Tooth, has been fussy lately because he, also, is sprouting a tooth. That's my answer for fussiness -- they are either teething or tired. I don't like to think it could be anything else, like RSV or a mysterious illness, because I ain't got time for that.
So, my boys were sleeping through the night (7 p.m.-ish to 4:30 a.m. or 5:30 a.m.-ish) but after our trip they are taking us back in time when nighttime was not the right time for sleep. Last night they woke at 2 a.m. Needless to say, hubby and I weren't x's and o's because we were tired!
I know many of you are pissed because I'm complaining about babies who slept for 7 hours instead of 9 hours or more. Honestly, I don't care because you get used to your situation, especially in a Twiniverse, and it's not like I go to bed at 7 p.m. along with them because mama needs some time alone! Every night is hopeful, especially since I need energy to wrangle little old men all day. I went from feeding every three hours (thinking how easy this was) to feeding every 2-3 hours but they wouldn't go back to sleep to slowly creeping to where we are now. I've lived the dark days of maybe one hour of sleep a night so hold your sass for an episode of Maury. Considering the baby with the tooth ate more food than usual today, I figure it's another growth spurt.
Ugh.
My babies are wearing 12 month clothing and, at their 4-month checkup, were 75% for weight and 97% for height. I feel guilty because many twin moms aren't so lucky so I don't talk about it much. The only downside is they are hungrier than they can hold. One of my boys is a happy spitter so most of it lands on me, the floor, his clothing, the back of his neck, his beloved bunny stuffed animal, and so on. We are trying out baby food, which is a slow process. I remind myself formula, feeding them baby food by fingertip, and other nonsense is a blip on the radar of life. Hard to remember when your son spits carrots in your face but true nonetheless.
Oh it's a carnival, a lonely circus with pathetic acts like the Incredibly Saggy Soft Body Lady Who Occasionally Cries In The Bathroom and The Baby Who Spits In Faces. However, it's my life and one of the things keeping me going is realizing it's constantly changing, they are constantly growing and I will have a life again. Also, bedtime is at 7 p.m. and wine time is at 7:01. Everything is better with wine.

Almost Five Month Old Twins: Unappreciated, overwhelmed, in need of silence

Warning: This is a bitter entry from a tired stay-at-home mother of twins. You have been warned.
One baby is in an open, rainbow colored, flying saucer contraption. He's bouncing, drooling and enjoying himself. I give him 2 minutes because he's working on a bowel movement. Nothing can ruin a good time like poopy. The other baby is doing Tummy Time while unleashing a high-pitched wail. I'm supposed to be doing these activities so they develop strength to crawl, and later walk, but do I want them to do that? Two whiny, nutty babies on the move?
As a stay-at-home mom of almost 5-month-old twins, I have no alone time yet I'm constantly lonely. There's wonderful things, like when they're upset I can comfort them (most of the time), the giggles, snuggles and smiles, and the unexpected snorts and nerdy laughs. However, with the good there's bad: fussiness, not being able to comfort them because I don't know what's wrong, the constant need for attention, poopy diapers, the look of betrayal at naptime, when your husband returns from work and you want him to take over so you can have a moment alone yet he wants peace and quiet after a long day at work. How can you compare who works harder?
It feels endless because it is. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Today I had to do something I haven't had to do for weeks - go in the bathroom, shut the door and sob. I cried for my former life, as if it was fabulous, for my changing and strained relationship with my husband, for my sanity, for my soft and stretched roly-poly body, because I'd pushed myself too hard. I've been up since 5:30 a.m. and up part of the night tending to grumpy, mute old men and I'm tired. I watch as the UPS man drives by, wishing for a pick-me-up: a bouquet of flowers, box of chocolates, anything that shows someone cares but no one stops. I sit in my house, the house I've sat in for months and realize the UPS man will never stop. No one will surprise me with a day to myself or a trip to the beauty parlor, something only for me. As wives and mothers, we're supposed to put on makeup and a smile before our husbands return from work. Why? What about us? Why doesn't anyone think about us? No, I don't sit at home all day, watching daytime TV and eating bon-bons and anyone who thinks that is delusional. I can either cry or get over it because I have one baby crying and the other about to cry. When did I become last on the list and why do I have to stay there?

Four Month Old Fraternal Twin Boys: A Day In The Life Of Me

My husband tapped my shoulder. I removed my earplugs (to combat his snoring and sleep talk, not screaming babies) and asked if someone was crying. He answered yes and asked the time. I squinted and reached for my cell phone. 4:40 a.m. Not bad considering the boys went to bed around 6:30 p.m. but not good because it's too early yet too late. Parents across America say, "Nothing good happens after midnight." Well, they were right.
Some nights are good, some nights have a few feedings, what I call growth spurts because I need a reason. It was his turn to go first - my husband and I switch nights - and to my disappointment both babies were awake. So, there was a backup at the changing table.
My baby had a poop-free so I changed him and got a bottle ready as he screamed like he was starving. Obviously I didn't get the memo concerning the end of the world.
I start feeding him on his couch (we have two couches in the living room, one with a cover and one without. I feed this baby on the one with a cover because he's a spitter. Sometimes he spits up a little, sometimes it's Niagara Falls). I don't remember much because it's 4:40 a.m. I feed him, he fusses but eats. Then he's tired but excited to see me. I try to get him to sleep but this doesn't work so I put him in "the island."
I learned you can read baby information online, especially about sleep, eating and being happy because isn't that what it's all about? However, you need to only know this: get to know your baby.
My oldest (by one minute) is a good baby (look, I'm already comparing them!). When he's tired, you can put him down and he will nap. Upon waking, he typically entertains himself. When he fusses, it's not because he's lonely or some other confusing reason, it's because he needs a new diaper, is hungry or has gas.
As for my youngest, all bets are off. We use the wimpy cry-it-out method on "the island" - which is a pack-n-play housed in the adjoining room to the play-room-but-actually-our-living-room. This is where he naps because it typically takes a couple rounds with wimpy cry-it-out (3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes). He doesn't want to miss a thing.
So, around 5:15 a.m. I banished him to "the island" and waited a couple minutes before he passed out. Then my husband and I took them upstairs to their bedroom and I attempted to go back to sleep.
Let's do some crappy math because mommy ain't no scholar - it's around 5:30-5:45 a.m. The boys ate around 5 a.m. So, I'm possibly looking at two hours of sleep before feed time. That sounds fabulous, right?
I get in bed and think sleepy thoughts. I think how I'm wasting time, I should be sleeping. I listen for screams, chirps, anything. They're silent. They could cry any minute but I should take advantage of this cry-free time. It's not long before I wake from a dream (no, I don't dream about desserts, exotic sex-capades ... usually I'm pregnant with triplets or I forgot to go to class all semester). I wake up and it's 7:18 a.m. Not bad. So why am I still tired?
I hear a noise. Is it a cry or baby babble? Will he wake his brother? Before I make up my mind, I hear a cry. I throw on yoga pants and a sweatshirt, grab a baby and head downstairs. We "hang out" for a while, as much as you can hang with a four-month-old, while I make breakfast. I find time to make it but never to eat it until it's been sitting out for 30 minutes or longer. Cold eggs, soggy cereal, barf.
By the time I finish cooking, my other baby is awake and they're both hungry. Let the fun begin ... feed one, feed the other. It goes as well as can be expected except for the Zantac. My babies have acid reflux, especially Sir Spits A Lot, so they do 1 ml of Zantac three times a day via a syringe. Whoever makes it, why does it taste like creme de menthe? Nobody buys it at the liquor store so why would a baby want it? They hate it, especially my first born who, after his first drop, tightens his lips and looks at me as if to say, "Why Mommy, why are you hurting me?"
After the circus ends with both babies sitting in bouncy chairs to digest - they're supposed to sit up for 30 minutes after eating - I scurry to the kitchen for more coffee. Upon my return the "good" baby is zonked out so I carry him to his crib. He sleeps for an hour-and-a-half but the other child isn't as easy to put down.
Off to "the island" we go for fuss, fuss, fuss. Finally he gives up - this used to not be as sad, but now they cry real tears ... I must stay strong! He sleeps for a half an hour and is awoken by poopie! I change his diaper and try to make him nap. After a period of the saddest tears known to man, he sleeps for another half an hour.
Just in time for his brother to wake up pissed. He eats a little but decides to fuss for all he's worth. Both boys are teething so there's not much sense to the chaos ... as if there ever was.
He settles, I think, and his brother awakens. I attempt to feed him as the "other baby" moans, groans and writhes in agony while the saddest song comes on the radio. It's a song that makes me cry but also feel like a loser because it's from the "Twilight" soundtrack. So, I'm crying over the lyrics and also the fact I'm an almost 30-year-old Twihard.
I turn the radio off.
I think my one son is done eating so I wipe my tears and put him in his chair right before he unleashes a massive spit-up, a flood big enough for Noah.
Great. I wipe it up and tend to his still-fussy brother who is teething ... I think. I grab a pacifier and whisk away the baby who usually doesn't get sent to "the island" but will go because, frankly, whatever. After annoyance he falls asleep.
So, it's me and Sir Spits A Lot who doesn't want to sit in his chair but if I lay him down on their play blanket (which is an old blanket) will spit up all over and then, later on, I will step in it. Decisions, decisions. I notice he's fussy, which probably means he's tired but Bad Mommy put his brother in his napping spot - "the island" - so what to do? Risk taking him to his crib? Maybe I should start making him nap there because that's added trips on the stairs which my fat ass needs. I know the saying - it took nine months to put it on so it should take nine months to take it off. Screw that, especially since my model thin sister told me it took her two years to take off her baby weight. Whatever. I can't wear a sign that says "I Was Pregnant Recently So My Weight Is OK" so now I'm an overweight almost 30 year old woman. Sounds awful because it is!
I'm over this but it's only 12:11 p.m. Too early to drink, too late to run.
I'm also on my period, which I haven't (obviously) had for months. I forgot how much this sucks especially since tampons have been uncomfortable since my C-Section so I am using maxipads like in seventh grade. Which reminds me I cried because of a "Twilight" song. I'm an almost 30-year-old Twihard wearing maxipads. Are you sure it's too early to drink?
My husband text messages me from work to ask if "Everything is OK?" I ask him to define OK. Sometimes I'm jealous my husband gets to leave jail ... I mean home ... to communicate with adults while wearing nice clothing and eating in peace. Then I remember work isn't fun, although he once remarked if he was a stay-at-home mom of twins like me he would "lose his mind," this conclusion coming after being with the boys alone for three hours.
I decided to take my son, who usually is sent to "the island" but can't be because the space is occupado, upstairs to his crib. I turn on the monitor and watch him wiggle. Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? Go the F- to sleep!
He'll be silent for about 30 seconds and I'll think, "Oh yes, finally he ... " and then he'll make a noise. My other son, the one on "the island" (confused yet?), is making noises, not happy, chirping noises, more like noises his father makes when he sleeps.
I've had an episode of "Criminal Minds" paused for two-and-a-half hours and I'm hungry. Oh yeah, it's 12:24 p.m. While all is quiet on the western front I heat chicken I grilled yesterday (yes, women can grill!)
My sister calls me. I don't answer. She texts me about how I should call when they're napping (they're supposed to nap at the same time?). I'm sure she means well but mothers of singletons don't understand what twin moms go through just as I don't understand what triplet moms goes through and so on. Hit the ignore button and move on my friends.
Anyway, I creep past "the island" and eye a sleeping-with-eyes-cracked-open child and toast bread for a sandwich. My other son in his crib chirps. Did I put him down for a nap too early? Is he not tired? If I get him will I ruin the sleep training and this-is-where-you-nap nonsense I've worked on for weeks?
I check the monitor. He's looking into the camera, as if to telepathically say I'm a horrible person and he's lonely.Wait, what is that noise? The neighbor boy across the street is playing "music." Instead of the loser wearing maxipads and listening to "Twilight" I'm that mean old retiree widow who spies on her neighbors between vinyl blinds. The bass is sporadically shaking my house. He doesn't understand he's not living on the mean streets of Compton but in a rural Maryland neighborhood. Don't kids learn anything in public schools? He doesn't know where he lives!
Before I can delve into a panicked rundown of the state of public schools in the area, my cribbed son chirps. I check the monitor. He looks like Randy from "A Christmas Story" when he falls in the snow.
I ascend up the stairs on my new workout regime to shove a pacifier in his mouth because I'm Bad Mommy. I descend the steps and sniff sniff, what's that smell? Oh yes, I was making a sandwich. Nothing like cold chicken on stale bread. I check the monitor and fist pump. I think he's asleep! I mark it down on the chart because, as most twin moms know, you must keep a daily chart covering sleep, naps, food, diapers and the comments section. I've gone through a few but found one I like - all found by searching online.
OK, time to make a sandwich, as well as continue doing laundry and dishes. Is there an Evil Laundry Elf who secretly puts more and more clothing in the basket? If so, let me know where he lives because I'd like to have a word with him.
I walk into the kitchen and notice a coffee cup with creamer inside and toast sitting in the toaster because that's how far I'd gotten. I creep around like a burglar while trying not to wake the baby in "the island."
I eat a carrot and get heartburn. God punishing me for eating healthy. I push play on "Criminal Minds." Remember? I tried to watch an episode three hours ago. I watch on mute with subtitles so no one is awakened. I also watch the UPS man drive past, hoping for a mystery package to brighten my day. Maybe my husband is sending me a just-because gift ... maybe not.
Before I finish my lunch or the episode the baby on "the island" wakes. Here comes the reason I sleep train and feed every three hours -- the giggles, smiles, happy-go-lucky baby time because when they are rested, they are happy ... for about an hour or so at a time (or less) because they nap about every two hours during the day.
After getting lovies (snuggling, kissing, hugging, tickling and playing) I attempt to finish my sandwich and my show because he needs to eat in 18 minutes and his brother will likely be awake soon.
My baby gets the hiccups. I shove gobble my lunch and make a bottle. Well, I make two bottles because if I don't make his brother a bottle, he will wake up within five minutes wanting food, but if I make a bottle he will sleep longer. It's more likely since I have terrible luck he will wake early but at least a bottle is ready.
So, my baby is fussing. Hopefully he's hungry. No sooner than I stick the bottle in his mouth do I hear a cry. I check the monitor. Luckily he finds his hand interesting, which buys me enough time to feed his brother. I press play on "Criminal Minds" and notice it features Wil Wheaton, who plays a panty-obsessed serial killer. Wesley Crusher, Gordie Lachance, panty raider. Is it awkward for his parents, playing a man with mommy-daddy issues? It would be lovely for the boys to act but what if they're in a commercial for lube or something crude. Then again Brian Cranston was in an '80s Preparation H commercial and went on to be Walter White so ... my thoughts are interrupted by the slurp slurp slurp of the bottom of a bottle. Baby A finished eating. Time to burp, put him his chair (which he hates) and get his brother.
Baby B is happy, which makes me wonder if he could nap in his crib instead of "the island." Before this thought has time to expand he head butts my shoulder and cries. Not typical crying. He's always snorted, ever since he was teeny tiny, so he snorts and cries, which is sad and cute. Poor snuffleupagus. His brother looks, laughs, farts and lets out some baby talk while trying to get out of the bouncy chair. He hasn't pooped today so he works on that, his daily task. He typically does this while I eat breakfast. There's nothing like a red-faced, grunty baby while you're trying to eat.
Time to feed Baby B and possibly watch another "Criminal Minds" because too much of this show can put you in a dark place. Didn't I just feed him? Let's hope he doesn't spew like the last time, Senor Spitter. Speaking of spit, I notice his shirt is a wreck so I get a new one. I stand up and they both look at me. It freaks me out because I'm in charge. Luckily Baby B squashes that thought by letting out a bloodcurdling scream, which causes Baby A cries, as if trying to say, "Hey, remember me? This chair still sucks."
I change his shirt, take a sip of cold coffee and march on. Both babies fuss so I sing different renditions of "ABC" - dramatic, goth, slowed down, diva. It works until I must find a pacifier for Baby A because he yawned and is fussy. After searching for minutes I find I was sitting on one, which makes me wonder if my butt is so big I can't notice when I'm sitting on a huge piece of plastic. Perhaps I am a princess a la "The Princess And The Pea." I shove another pacifier in another baby's mouth as Baby B spits up all over his new, clean shirt, his pants, the floor and me. I curse, he laughs, and I put him in his bouncy chair before cleaning up the mess.
I notice I missed this episode of "Criminal Minds," so I hit pause. Then I notice Baby A is asleep, so I take him out of his chair and put him on "the island." He smiles which makes me wonder if I am attempting to make him nap too early but then I remember he fell asleep in his chair so I leave him just in time for his brother to break out in fuss.
I think he's hungry but while feeding him I notice he scratched his face with his long talons I hate to clip. I creep in the room housing "the island" so I can get Neosporin. My lack of sleuth is irrelevant because Baby A is awake which, again, makes me wonder if he needs this nap. Baby B cries reminding me he's scratched, possibly hungry and lonely.
I take off my sweatshirt because it's suddenly hot. I dab on Neosporin and attempt to feed him. Surely he's hungry since he spit up most of what he ate today but he could be teething which affects his appetite. Is he teething? Who knows.
It's 2 p.m. and you shouldn't drink caffeine past 2 because it affects your sleep so I chug stale, cold coffee. I take Baby B out of his bouncy chair to try to feed him because who cares if he spits up on my yoga pants and Walmart camisole that was once sexy, in a former life when my once lactating breasts (I breastfed for four weeks) didn't hang down like well, like, I don't know because my brain hurts.
I try the "ABC" song and he wants nothing to do with it so like any Bad Mommy I sing the first song that comes to mind - "John the Fisherman" by Primus. He laughs, I laugh and remember he's my baby and I love him so we share a moment - giggling, cooing, baby talking back and forth and having fun.
Wow, it's pretty easy with one baby. Well, not easy but definitely not like having two. I think of the mothers of singletons who tell me to "sleep when they sleep," to "pop them in the car" and get out of the house if need be, and other one-baby nonsense. Screw you.
I tiptoe in to make sure Baby A is sleeping and not ... well ... dead. He's fine. Baby B fusses and wants attention. I try to get him to finish eating and it's going well until I realize I have to pee, bad.
Then I'm back at it, feeding with one hand and checking email with another. A newsletter from Walgreens on how to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) ... I'll show you something sad, my ass in a pair of elastic-waist jeans.
I wonder if I'm hungry, thirsty or exhausted. Then I remember over the weekend I ate chicken nachos, two burgers, onion rings, sour cream and onion chips, a fish taco, fudge, chocolate and beer, beer, beer ... not in that order and not in one day (thankfully) ... and decide I'm thirsty for some, in the words of Bobby Boucher, "high quality H20."
I put the empty bottles in the sink, glance at the dishwasher filled with clean dishes yearning to be put away, get some aqua and lay on the floor for some q.t. with Baby B.
I watch as the mail lady's automobile rumbles down the road and remember I have no way to get the mail because I have two babies and it's 20 degrees outside. I go back to q.t with Baby B until he starts fussing and I notice he's almost been awake for two hours which means he's tired, as hard as that is to believe.
First attempt at nap time. Up the stairs we go. I start to wonder how all of this could happen in less than 24 hours and think of Jack Bauer and "24." Maybe I should start yelling, asking my children "Where's the bomb?!"
Baby B is crying. I look at the clock and plan on giving him three minutes before going to settle him. After two minutes he stops crying so I check the monitor ... just in time for Baby A to start crying from "the island." Baby A stops crying and Baby B starts but it's weak, like he's giving in to the inevitable. He stops and is quiet for two minutes and then bam, he wails like he's been slapped in the face. Then he stops. Then Baby A stops.
Then there's silence. I heave my butt off the floor because, for some reason, I always end up sitting on the floor, and check on Baby A because it's 3:23 p.m. and he will need to eat again soon. I can hear Cousin Eddie asking, "Are you serious Clark?" Yes, Eddie, I'm serious.
I notice my second episode of "Criminal Minds" is paused and rewind it to the part I remember seeing about three hours ago. This better be a good one because it's taken me a while to watch.
Baby A went back to sleep but Baby B is awake. I get up and notice my calves hurt from dead lifting 16-pound babies all the ding dong day.
I glance in the mirror and grimace. No shower, no toothbrush, no makeup, big problem. Hopefully babies don't judge. Baby B and I dive in for q.t. I should make a bottle for Baby A who will likely wake up soon but I don't. Alls fun and games until your baby spews a mountain of half digested formula in front of your face. Gross. Luckily he's a happy spitter.
I turn on tunes and we have a baby dance party. Is it Raffi or "Wheels on the Bus?" No, it's New Order because I'm Bad Mommy. I make bottles and notice we are running out of clean bottles (I have seven useable nipples and more bottles than that because since we use rice cereal/oatmeal to combat reflux and need large size nipples {which makes my husband giggle} so the food can come out). I empty the dishwasher, finally, which startles Baby A and might be good because he's been napping a lot. I know sleep begets sleep but I want him to sleep at night and worry if he sleeps too much during the day he won't sleep at night.
Baby B is fussy so I make bottles and load the dishwasher. Sometimes I look at the clean dishes and sigh because they're just going to get dirty again. There's always a load of dishes and a load of laundry to do -- maybe Hell will be an endless load of laundry and dishes. Oh wait, that's my life and everyone knows Hell is an endless line at the DMV where they call your number but inform you that you've been in the wrong line.
Baby A is crying. Time to rejoin society from "the island." I decree you no longer banished. I position my babies far enough away so they can see each other but not slap each other in the face and make bottles in the kitchen.
Baby B is screaming even though he's not due to eat for another hour which means he's possibly hungry because he shouldn't be tired or he's being a pain because Bad Mommy has been going at this since 7:18 a.m. and is losing patience. I turn up the music so maybe he'll stop crying (or to drown out his cries). I contemplate hiding out in the bathroom until my husband comes home but remember he won't be home for another two hours, so it's on to more Zantac, oatmeal and bottles.
Zantac time is darkly funny because I know it's coming but they don't. Bad Mommy. Baby B won't stop crying, like sucking in the air from the room to wail crying, so I decide it's feeding time for both boys. I turn up the tunes and dive in. As Baby A looks ahead as if to say, "What's his deal," Baby B screams. I write freakout in capital letters on his chart as if he cares.
Baby B doesn't want milk or oatmeal. Baby A does so what to do? This is when my mantra comes in: I am one person, I am doing my best. I break down and cry anyway because this is the worst part of the day for them to meltdown. I am at my weakest.
Baby B had colic but I thought he'd gotten over the worst of it a month or so ago ... guess not. Nothing stops his red-faced screams and the tears. He doesn't want to be held, to eat, to be in a chair or on the floor so I put him in "the island" and let him sit there for a few minutes because I can't do anything for him. My body heaves with sobs while I determine I'm the worst mother ever, how my sons will be harmed by me not being able to care for them. For weeks I have held it together, trying to be Mommy Dearest and it finally hits me. I'm not a good mother, I'm not good enough.
This is what it was like months ago because handling two mostly happy twin babies is hard enough, but handling two who are constantly fussy ... well it's damn near impossible. Tie in an extreme hormone drop and it's bad news bears but I've come a long way ... and so have they.
I text my husband to hurry home. After a while Baby B stops freaking out so I feed him while Baby A starts up. Then I finish with him and feed Baby B. Now both are freaking out because it's the witching hour.
My husband returns home and, of course, the boys are mostly fine. They sit in their chairs, I lay on the floor and turn on "The Omen." How ironic it's on TV right now and just started ... what a coincidence.
Tick tock it's about time for baths. Every night at 6 p.m. we bathe them separately, feed them and put them to bed. I take Baby A because he's pooped (the smell gives him away) and my husband is not a fan of poopie. Too bad Baby B also poops. Splish splash we take a bath, give them more Zantac and Tylenol, top them off with milk and wait until they fall asleep. We head upstairs with the boys, turn on the sound machine and humidifier and put them down.
Another day in the books. I don't know whether to be happy or discouraged because tomorrow is another day. I make dinner, eat and nurse my sorrows in a vodka tonic. Is my glass half full or half empty?
I retire upstairs to wash my face, brush my teeth and decide to peek in on the boys. Through the humidifier fog I spy two angels, one asleep on his belly with his booty in the air and one asleep on his back with arms spread wide. I remember how much I love these two creatures I helped create and that today is just one day. I had a bad day and so did my sons. Why should I expect them to be well behaved everyday when no human is? Not everyday is bad and even within today there were wonderful moments. There were giggles, smiles, laughs, coos and lots of love. I can do this, not only because I have to do this but because I want to for me and my babies.

Cabin Fever: Almost Four Month Old Twin Boys, Please Sleep, Please Poop

Cabin fever. No, I am not talking about the horror film, although sometimes the cries of my children sound like they were lifted directly from a slasher ... perhaps murderous newborns hell bent on draining the worlds resources of milk, rice cereal and sanity.
Give me all your diapers and no one will have to die!
According to my smartphone, today is Friday, Feb. 7, 2014. ... whatever that means. I hardly know what day it is. Yesterday I went to the gym for a 30-minute run. The day before I went to the supermarket to purchase ... guess ... formula and diapers! Before that, Saturday I went to the grocery store ... other than that I have watched 157,000 episodes of "Criminal Minds" and "Fraiser," various films from "Dream House" to "Uncle Buck" and countless infomercials. There's also some "Baby Einstein" DVD action but, honestly, it's kind of trippy. Pass the doobie, brother!
Once upon a time I was an editor at a newspaper. I enjoyed cocktails, showering consistently, running, reading, time alone, wearing makeup and clothing not made of stretchable cotton (I actually had style!), shopping, weekend fun and SLEEP. I probably enjoyed more things but I can't remember. I now sleep with one eye open, awaiting a crying baby going through a growth spurt, eager for more milk and late night chaos. I change stinky diapers while holding my breath, I sign songs, wipe tears, make bottles, wipe spit up on my yoga pants because honestly who cares what I look like, hope naptime will be long and tear-free, softly cry when looking at the wrinkled bags under my eye, enjoy a cocktail every night while I take a moment to breathe ... and I hardly leave the house because it's 37 degrees outside.
Sometimes when my husband gets home from work I talk to him as if he too is 4 months old. I am annoyed by women with singletons who attempt to relate to my chaos. I probably should stop cussing soon because I don't want their first words to be (expletive).
Brain don't work. Honestly, if I could leave the house -- you know, if it wasn't 37 degrees outside -- I don't think I'd want to because taking newborns twins outside is a pain in the ass. OK, gotta go, one of them just woke up from their nap.

3 Month Old Twin Boys: The Party Continues, Go The (Expletive) To Sleep

Shh my twin boys are sleeping. I swear if you wake them I will make your life a living hell.
So, to the blogs and articles that made me and my husband believe the three-month mark would be some light-switch going off, miracle of miracles ... screw you. Yeah, things are better but still cra-zy!
Shh ... my colic-y twin is crying. He's only napped for 22 minutes so let's hold our breath and sit frozen as if he has some super-human sense to know where I am at all times. Of course he has this sense, my sleep deprived mind knows this to be true. Let's watch while he is pre-scream, holding his breath as if sucking in all the air in the room to create the loudest shriek known to man. A dog whistle worthy scream.
So, this Saturday my sons will be 4 months (any other twin mom doing the countdown to 12 months -- as if it will be as magical as the three-month mark wasn't?). I have been doing a mish-mash of sleep training techniques because from reading articles online I concluded every child is different.
My oldest son (by 1 minute) has the ability to put himself to sleep -- you put him down in his pack 'n' play or crib and he goes to sleep, sometimes with the aid of a pacifier.
My other son is a ticking time bomb. One second he's almost dancing on the floor, kicking his legs and smiling, and the next minute he's screaming at the top of his lungs (obviously he's my colic-y baby mentioned above).
My method: when either child shows signs of sleep (yawning, rubbing eyes), I attempt to put them in either their crib or pack 'n' play. With my problem child I attempt the wimpy cry-it-out method. Let him cry for three minutes before going in to soothe, then raising it to five minutes, then seven and so on if needed. If his cries mimic a whine, he's usually asleep in five minutes or less. If his cries mimic screaming, he needs his mama. Bottom line: don't pick him up, stay strong.
I try to get them to sleep as much during the day because sleep begets sleep. Also, during the day I feed them every three hours whether they cry for it or not to fill them up -- the idea being they won't want to eat at night. Lately they have been sleeping from about 6:30 or 7:30 p.m. until about 5 a.m. The wake-up time is flexible. Sometimes one will want a feeding around 1:30 to 3:30 a.m., sometimes not. Also, for the parents upset because my babies are sleeping better, they are wearing 9-month clothing. Yes, 9-month. Born three weeks early but monsters!
It's a love-hate relationship. Hate is too strong of a word but I'm too tired to come up with anything better. I love them so much but dream of time alone but when I'm alone I want to be with them. Yikes!