Twin Boys Almost Three Weeks Old: I Survived Thus Far -- Eat, Poop, Cry, Repeat

My twin boys, born Oct. 8 at 37 weeks, are almost three weeks old. Similar to when they were almost two weeks old, I am torn between "I can't believe they are almost three weeks" and "Oh my god, they're only almost three weeks! How will I survive?!"
I often wonder this -- how will I survive? This thought occurs mostly when I am alone during the day, trying to wrangle them. They cry, I often cry (sob) in response. It's overwhelming, especially when they cry in sync and it sounds like an echo. Thankfully I did what you're supposed to do and told my husband and he, in turn, enlisted the help of his father, who is retired, to help me during the week when I'm normally alone. You see, I don't need an expert. I need someone to hold and feed one of the boys while I do the same with the other. If they are fussy afterwards, I need someone to help while I attempt to get other things done like non-stop laundry and dishes or to take a nap or escape and go for a walk or sneak into the corner to eat copious amounts of dark chocolate and cry.
I've spent days alone with the boys and those days are hard. After feeding them at the same time, while stopping for burping (and hearing each one cry when you attend to the other), then changing their diapers and hoping to God they lay down for a nap or at least quietly look around the room, I hardly have time to do anything because they are more and more alert during the day and often spend this time crying. Which, in turn, starts the game of Why Is My Baby Crying? It's not a fun game.
Newborns aren't my favorite. I get overwhelmed and sometimes wonder why I thought having babies was a good idea but then they decide to fall asleep and look like angels or crack a smirk as they gaze into my eyes and I remember how much I love them. I must remember: It Gets Better. It's just hard to decipher the reason behind the cries. Dirty diaper, gas, hunger, too full, tired, bored, overwhelmed, secretly scheming to make mommy lose her mind ... who knows. I'm sure I'll figure it out just when they've mastered talking and can tell me what's wrong.

Twin Boys Almost Two Weeks Old: Hormones, Fussy Babies, Gas, Feed Feed Feed

My twin boys, born at 37 weeks, are almost two weeks old. Part of me thinks: "Wow, I can't believe they are already two weeks old!" while the other part screams: "Ugh, they're only two weeks old!" It's the endless battle of optimistic new mom and pessimistic new mom. Maybe it's the hormones, but this battle rages daily.
My life is crazy, especially as my hormones range all over the map. I can go from sobbing about how I want my old life back (because of course it has to be better than this!) and want to give the twins back (to whom, I don't know) to self-motivating myself to remember this stage doesn't last forever and I can do this.
It's been hard. Honestly, babies aren't always fun and this part can suck -- something my husband and I admit. I felt bad about my dislike for this stage but I've already gotten over it! The babies can't go more than four hours without eating and feeding them takes about an hour, if there's no fussiness and crying involved afterwards. It's hard to tell what they are crying about sometimes: gas, needing to poop, being startled, wanting to be held, hunger ... also, sometimes they cry and then, if you leave them alone, will quickly go back to sleep.
We are learning as we go with the help of the Internet, especially in the feeding department.
In the hospital, a lactation consultant advised me to breastfeed one on one boob for 20 minutes, then breastfeed the other baby on the same boob for 20 minutes, then feed them supplement (we started out using a syringe to feed them), then breastpump both boobs for 20 minutes ... every single time to build my supply. At the one week mark we went to our pediatrician and she advised me to breastfeed them both at the same time for 20 minutes and then continue the cycle, so at least one step was taken out of the equation. Well, I took the breastfeeding out entirely and simply bottlefeed then pump -- we feed them a mix of formula and breastmilk. This decision was made to save time and also, as my husband slowly ventures back to work, how am I supposed to breastfeed them at the same time alone? Yeah, not happening. I watched a video on Youtube where a woman breastfed her twins at the same time, even burping them individually mid feeding, while advising the viewing audience how simple this is to do alone. Well, she's a big, fat liar.
To try to keep sane I take a walk everyday (what will I do when the weather is bad? Go insane?) while someone watches the boys (either my husband or, on the weekends, my mother-in-law or mom), take deep breaths and repeat mantras like "it will get better" and "I can do this." Yes, my fight or flight response rears its ugly head often and, when it does, is stuck on flight. However, I figure this can't last forever either. I can't send the babies back, I can't afford a nanny and, honestly, my old life wasn't that great. Do I want to be a quitter? Am I this selfish? No. I am their mom and they need me. It's only been two weeks and IT WILL GET BETTER! It's OK to mourn my old selfish life, just as it's OK to only breastpump and bottlefeed instead of being supermom and easily breastfeeding them in tandem while baking a three-course dinner with the extra arm that magically grew out of my back overnight. I am doing my best and that's OK!

37 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Baby Boys Decide To Come Early

Last Monday, eight days ago, I ventured into my OB/GYN for a routine appointment and pre-op conversation on my upcoming C-section, which was scheduled for October 16. I was 37 weeks pregnant with twin boys and nervous and excited for another week to get ready.
Well, as they say, life doesn't care about your plans! My blood pressure tested high so, instead of risking complications, I was told to pack my bags (of course we hadn't packed yet) and head to the hospital for some tests and, most likely, birth. I was scared yet excited yet shocked. Was I ready? What is this going to be like? Were they going to send us home to wait longer or was tonight the night? I couldn't wrap my head around any of this.
Well that night was the night -- at 2:52 and 2:53 a.m. my sons were born via C-section and weighed 5.9 and 5.12 lbs. Running on adrenaline, fear, flight or fight, among other things my husband and I spent the next four days in the hospital trying to figure out how to be parents ... I don't think we'll ever figure it out.
After those four days, my mother-in-law spent the next three days with us while we tried to get accustomed to living at home with two helpless, little babies we created (I still can't believe they are our children). She helped us get some sleep (hardly any but every little bit counts) and figure out handle the hardest thing we've ever done in our lives.
It hasn't been easy. It includes hardly any sleep (and when I can sleep {i.e. sleep when they sleep} not being able to sleep), hormonal meltdowns including one lasting a few hours involving sobbing and being ready to run for the hills, poopy diapers, formula, breastmilk, pumps, stress, fatigue ... I could go on.
Well, considering I have 47 minutes until they need to feast again, I will blog later.
Embrace the chaos.

36 Weeks Pregnant With Twins: Outside Stress, Getting Sick When You're Pregnant

I am 36-and-a-half weeks pregnant with twin boys and am chugging along towards a C-section finish line -- well, not without bumps in the road.
This week has been particularly difficult. No, not because of the fatigue, kankles or restless legs -- although these issues aren't helping. My dad was admitted to ICU at his local hospital Sunday for acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), which was causing his kidneys to shut down -- they were giving us a 50/50 chance he'd recover. After four days in ICU, he was moved to a regular hospital room, thankfully, but needless to say it's been stressful and he still has rehab ahead of him.
On top of this, I developed a cold. Well, at least I think it's a cold -- headache, sore throat, gunky. When I woke up with these symptoms yesterday, I also woke up with a stiff neck from sleeping on it wrong. Ouch.
All in all, I was concerned about how stress affects my pregnancy. Can the babies feel stress? Will it make them stressed? Will I go into labor early from stress? I spoke with my doctor about these concerns at my latest appointment and realized a pregnancy without stress is nearly impossible. With that in mind, some doctors say it may even be good for babies (I'm talking a normal amount of stress, not some extremely stressful, freak event) because life is not without stress and it may prepare them better for when they make their grand exit from my body. All I can do is breathe, try to relax and even try to talk it out with my babies, which will help me connect with them and also get through my stress.
I.e. saying out loud, "I am feeling sad because my dad is sick but thankfully he is getting better."
With my cold, I'm gargling salt water, eating healthy, resting, sleeping even more, drinking some orange juice but also drinking plenty of water. I'm trying to keep away from medicine even though I understand it is safe to take Tylenol.
Honestly it's hard to know what I'm feeling because of the cold and pregnancy hormones, so I'm just going to try my best and keep chugging along.