I am still pledging the fraternity of Mother of Twins and it's hard at five weeks in -- the hardest thing I've done. My fraternal twin boys eat, sleep, poop, pee and cry -- not in that order. There are occasional cry-free awake moments but they are few and far between and often followed by screams causing me not to be able to enjoy them. As I am writing this they are laying behind me in their pack 'n' play bassinet and I am on edge, listening for cries, whimpers, grunts and groans. This is what I do all day long -- separating the real cries from the cry-and-go-back-to-sleep ones and then trying to figure out the age old question: Why Is My Baby Crying?
Excuse me while I pat the back of one of the boys so he will go back to sleep ...
... OK I'm back.
It's hard because there's not much of a payoff yet. I'm sleep deprived, overwhelmed and exhausted. I have two newborns with acid reflux who recently switched from milk-based formula to soy-based and added rice cereal as well as Zantac. Is it working? ... hard to tell.
I don't know what I'm doing as I soothe screams and rub backs. It's scary but I'm doing it because, as veteran mothers of twins will tell you, it gets better and easier. It will all be worth it -- I tell myself this often.
I have spit up from yesterday on my yoga pants and spit up from today on the neck of my shirt, although I did wash my face today. I think there is spit up in my hair from the other day ... I watched "Fraiser" for about five hours yesterday morning. It's Wednesday and I've been out of the house this week once to go to Target and buy formula -- the trip felt like a vacation. When my babies are screaming in my ear, and my sways and shushing don't soothe them, it's overwhelming. It's amazing when they fall asleep in my arms.
When I look at them I can hardly believe they are my children. These past five weeks feel like five years. I have trouble asking people for help because shouldn't I be their one and only mom? Sometimes, oftentimes, I feel like they will be helpless and draining forever.
These little men eat every three hours or less, four hours is a luxury. They often feed, burp, have their diaper changed but won't go back to bed no matter what I try -- this is the worst when it's during the night. Oftentimes during the day I will soothe one just in time for the other one to start wailing.
I play Baby Roulette with my husband and his parents (it takes a village), often picking the wrong baby. Last night our baby was good but I couldn't slow my mind enough to sleep. To say I'm tired wouldn't do it justice. The other weekend my mother-in-law took the boys so we could sleep but even full nights of sleep leave me tired.
I am envious and disgusted by mothers of singletons.
It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better.
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