I have not posted since May 2015 - 10 months and counting. I could have gotten knocked up and had another hellion by now! Excuse me while I fist pump and breathe a sigh of relief!
So, my fraternal twin boys are closing in on two-and-a-half years old. I gave up counting months after their second birthday because it was getting ridiculous.
I just read over my last post (thank you Constance for commenting!) and it seems like a lifetime ago. It's the same crazy ballgame, I'm the same crazy umpire but it's a different inning.
My boys have been receiving therapy through the local school system for developmental delays. They both started with speech and developmental therapy for speech delays and help with fine motor movement, etc. The program is a year long and then there's a reevaluation to see if the child needs to stay in the program or "graduate." Baby B is set for graduation in a few months as he's talking up a storm - we can almost have a conversation. He needs to work on staying on task but what 2 year old doesn't? He's definitely deep into the terrible 2's (and from what I've heard 3's is worse! Pass the vodka) but that's normal.
On the other hand, Baby A has a long road ahead of him. Don't get me wrong, he's made great strides. He went from basically non-verbal (not babbling) to having a handful of words. His fine motor skills improved, he's learned some sign language and he follows simple directions. Soon after therapy started it was evident he was troubled with something more than just simple delays. He soon received an evaluation by an occupational therapist and it was determined he has sensory processing disorder and proprioceptive disorder. Basically he needs to move more than others and he's a bit clumsy.
While I have seen great progress with speech and development, his occupational therapy was nice but I didn't see much in the way of results. He was still constantly moving, still clumsy, still in his own world - a lovable loner yearning for sensory input. When I took him for his 2-year check up, his pediatrician strongly suggested an evaluation by a certified institution specializing in children with delays.
So, long story short he got an evaluation by a doctor. Then another by a speech language pathologist. Then another by an audiologist. Then another by a developmental pediatrician. Each doctor kept seeing things in him that needed another opinion by someone more knowledgable. Finally my husband and I were told that our beautiful, happy, sweet boy has autism.
I would be lying if I said I was over the news. I have come to terms with the news. I mourned my son for a while, I mourned the life I thought he would have and the person I thought he would have become. Then I realized this is who he is - he has autism. He runs around, typically in his own little world, smiling, laughing, obsessing on letters and numbers, holding on to random objects for hours at a time. He's socially awkward but not a hermit. There's nothing different about him but now we have a name for the sometimes troubling things he does. That's the hardest thing to come to terms with - he hasn't changed. He's still Baby A. He still loves the letter P, the number 2 and Elmo. He loves to count and read "Five Little Monkeys." He hasn't changed. I randomly remind myself he has autism. Life is so busy I often forget and then it hits me and I go, "Oh yeah. Well ... so what?"
So, as Pete the Cat says, I am still walking along and singing my song. We joined a local playgroup for some socialization (for ME and the boys!) and have been trying to get out more - thanks to the weather and the Brica By-My-Side Harness Backpack - I know, a freaking leash! But I'm telling you it has been a lifesaver. I get some crazy-ass looks (especially since I live in a very small town) but now we are mobile! Mobile and safe! They still manage to terrorize the local library and cause a scene every single damn time we go in there but there's only so many items you can buy on Amazon!
Baby B is going to start Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy soonish (if insurance can get with the program) as suggested by his developmental pediatrician. My new motto is: you never know until you try. I've heard good and bad things about ABA, as I've heard good and bad things about most everything in life, but I owe it to him to give it a go and see if it helps him thrive. He recently received a physical therapy evaluation and will start therapy to address low tone, which is a whole new can of worms I am NOT going to google and drive myself crazy over. His therapist recommended swimming so my big butt dons a skirted mom-suit every Monday night and Baby A and I hit the pool for the Water Babies class.
Honestly I don't know how I feel about Baby A having autism and various delays. He has five therapists and he's only 2! I have twins, one with autism and I have to be his advocate (something I have had to deal with many times already ... story for another day) so, needless to say, my cup runneth over. I don't want to try to put it into words because I won't do my feelings or him justice. I am feeling all the feelings and I love him very much so let's change the subject ...
My better half and I are trying to lose weight. He less than me (isn't that always the case ladies?!) but still it's a struggle. Losing weight - whether 5 or 50 lbs - is never easy, especially when you have twins! That was actually supposed to be the theme for this long overdue post but I got to talking about the main attraction - my sons! - and got lost as I am prone to do since they literally take up my entire day every day. However, it hit me that I have been trying to lose weight since 1995. Twenty-one years of gaining, losing, emotionally eating, fad diets, cleanses, letting myself go, new workout programs, a twin pregnancy where I gained 75 pounds ... that's crazy.
The boys are going to be 3 in October so I can't blame it on baby weight anymore. It's hard to find motivation lately because life is so chaotic and emotionally draining so I am trying to focus on eating healthier and getting more exercise because I will feel better and be a better mom and wife. I need to fuel my body. Now, I get my damn cheat meal (more like a day) on the weekend! That's non-negotiable but I need to work on actually deserving the cheat - which means stop randomly cheating during the week!
I'm a mombie - a mom zombie - but as I tell my boys often, "We're getting it done. It may not be pretty but we are getting it done!" What's "it?" I have no idea just as I have no idea what I'm doing!
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