I went for my first OB ultrasound this morning at six-and-a-half weeks.
To recap, I got pregnant on my first round of IUI (I have poly cystic ovaries) and wasn't sure how many of the three follicles present were fertilized.
It's hard to freak out over something intangible. Three or two or one baby in my belly ... hard to picture. Don't get me wrong, I'm exhausted most of the time even with eight hours of slumber a night, have "morning" sickness (there's nothing morning about the queasy-ness), have food aversions and feel/look as if I've let myself go (except for my killer boobs!) but baby(ies)? It's hard to imagine.
Also, one is scary enough for a first-timer but two or three? Yikes.
My brain eased the tension by not letting me fret until five minutes before the ultrasound. Thanks, you bastard, thinking you know what's best. So, there I sat, nude from the waist down, letting the lovely, papery, toilet paper-like sheet cover me (it'll be a must-have summer fashion staple, promise) with my husband by my side.
Him: Are you scared?
Me: Yeah. Are you?
Him: Yeah.
Deep thoughts with Jack Handy.
My doctor-nurse team ventured in the room and got down to business. Lights off, legs up! No time to collect my thoughts before the nurse traveled into my nether region and the doctor muttered, "So, what do you think about twins?"
Being a smartass out of her element, I responded, "Well it's not my first choice but ... "
"Well you're having twins. Congratulations."
The look on my husband's face was shock in its purest form - think Frito from "Idiocracy." As for me, did I cry? Say something profound, so profound the doctor and nurse will discuss it for years to come or at least around the dinner table tonight? Of course not. I laughed like a rube, looked at my husband, then we both laughed. I was brought back to reality when the nurse muttered, "Do you think you see another one?"
Another one? Whoa cowboy, you better slow your roll. Luckily he didn't think there were three so I went from being scared to having one to being relieved I'm only having two. Everything is relative.
After two weeks to cope with the shock I'm pregnant, here I sit at point A again, shocked, thrilled, overwhelmed, scared with Baby A and Baby B sucking the life out of me - even taking moisture from my skin! I go from rubbing my belly and uttering sweet nothings to my children to remembering this is happening - cue inner freak out - to going about my day and forgetting my life will change.
Twins. Two-for-the-price-of-one, two bundles of joy ... they're fraternal so there's no chance of a Doublemint Gum commercial. Shucks.
There's so much to consider my mind can't focus, that is when it actually allows me to think about my pregnancy.
Huge belly, bad mommy, possible C-section, two of everything, nursing, no sleep, diaper changes, no life, blow outs ... wow.
It's overwhelming.
We haven't shared the news, although hubby is hot to scream it from the rooftops. Tomorrow is D-Day (tell parental units and siblings). We're going to hold off on the rest of the family, as well as friends, because it'll be too much. I'm looking forward to telling my sisters as they have children (no multiples) but, then again, I have a feeling (no, it's not morning sickness) I will get daily calls and e-mails, which tends to make me run for the hills. I'm the type of person with a limit, too much information at once makes my brain turn on a screensaver - or at least hit ignore on my phone. Not much of a people person (family included) but I could use advice.
I could read everything on the Internet but I'd rather not ... it's overwhelming. Last night my husband, who wants a son more than he wants a hot night of passion with Salma Hayek (or it's a close tie), spent 20 minutes searching "How To Find Out You're Having A Boy" and came to the conclusion:
Nobody knows what they're talking about.
BabyCenter seems to have its shit together, although I'd prefer more twins information. I like my "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book. I am interested in finding a good twins online support group as I know zero people who have twins but, other than that, I'm fine. I see my OB/GYN for the first time next month (I'm still with the specialist who knocked me up) and I'm sure he'll be a fountain of knowledge.
The best thing I've done so far is something I read in a parenting magazine I randomly got in the mail last week (how'd those spies know I'm knocked up?) Every night I take five deep breaths through my nose then say to myself: May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be peaceful. Then I repeat that mantra directed toward my unborn children. It helps me focus, at least for 30 seconds.
The best thing I read so far was in "What To Expect" about how it's overwhelming and it will take time before I come to terms with my twin pregnancy. So I'm not a selfish asshole. Good to know.
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