It's 2:30 p.m. on a Monday. I'm braless, in an unmatching outfit good enough to be smeared in avocado, boogers and tears. I am watching "Sesame Street" with one of my twins as he babbles, and eats strawberries and Goldfish. The "Me Am What I Am" episode featuring Cookie Monster and the youthful Mario Lopez, to be exact. I've seen this one four times, maybe more. The other twin is still napping.
Plans for the day - take a walk in the stroller because it's 55 degrees outside, a far cry from the snowy arctic we've been living in forever (really only a couple months). I'll love the fresh air and exercise, the twins will hate being restrained because they are toddlers yearning to toddle. The effort of putting on their shoes (which they hate) and jackets, getting the stroller, strapping them in and carrying the behemoth outside will be good for maybe a 15-minute walk if I'm lucky before the bitching and moaning is too much. You know the toddler whine? The long utterance lacking in pitch that erupts from their mouths every five minutes or so covering any horrible inconvenience from having their diaper changed to not being able to put two Duplo blocks together. One of the only noises known to man I cannot ignore. I just can't do it.
Then it's back home for running madly around their playroom until dinnertime while I clean up their toys over and over again, then bath, book reading and bed. Tomorrow's the same as yesterday. Hopefully as the weather warms my husband will help me take them places on the weekend for some change of pace and scenery. We have one car and I have two crazy toddlers without a fenced in yard so I can't get out during the week by myself with them.
If I were to write this in my online mom's group the consensus would be I deserve a glass of wine, maybe a few glasses. "You're the reason mommy drinks," is commonplace.
I love drinking. The escape, the warm feeling, the carefree, optimistic happiness. Day drinking on a Saturday is music to my ears. However, I can't drink.
I don't remember exactly when it happened - my best guess is a few months ago - but if I drink I will not sleep. Now, I take Benadryl, melatonin and Valerian root every night as sleep aids, otherwise I ain't getting any shut eye. So, adding alcohol makes you think I might sleep even better, right? I was a weekend drinker for a while but now I wake up around 1 a.m. and am awake until 4 or 5 a.m. if I drink.
Wait a second ... the other twin just woke up and is upset. I would be too if I napped for two hours in the middle of the day ... oh wait, no, I'd be on another planet because that would never happen ...
OK. So, for whatever reason I can't drink anymore. I've tried drinking earlier in the day, thinking it's something to do with my body digesting the sugars and blah blah blah science! I haven't figured it out yet but sometimes I don't wake up for such a long period of time if I drink a lot of water and stop drinking early.
Maybe it's a good thing? This past weekend I was in bed and asleep early each night, alcohol free. It's better for my mind and for my waist line too since I need to lose about 20 pounds so ... my sweatpants fit better?! No, I need to lose weight for the times I live among humans and my in-laws babysit because those happen often enough to keep me sane, God bless them.
So, should I shut my mouth and live this healthy, clean life free from alcohol? Or should I find a way to drink like the drinking earlier thing with added water?
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