Cabin fever. No, I am not talking about the horror film, although sometimes the cries of my children sound like they were lifted directly from a slasher ... perhaps murderous newborns hell bent on draining the worlds resources of milk, rice cereal and sanity.
Give me all your diapers and no one will have to die!
According to my smartphone, today is Friday, Feb. 7, 2014. ... whatever that means. I hardly know what day it is. Yesterday I went to the gym for a 30-minute run. The day before I went to the supermarket to purchase ... guess ... formula and diapers! Before that, Saturday I went to the grocery store ... other than that I have watched 157,000 episodes of "Criminal Minds" and "Fraiser," various films from "Dream House" to "Uncle Buck" and countless infomercials. There's also some "Baby Einstein" DVD action but, honestly, it's kind of trippy. Pass the doobie, brother!
Once upon a time I was an editor at a newspaper. I enjoyed cocktails, showering consistently, running, reading, time alone, wearing makeup and clothing not made of stretchable cotton (I actually had style!), shopping, weekend fun and SLEEP. I probably enjoyed more things but I can't remember. I now sleep with one eye open, awaiting a crying baby going through a growth spurt, eager for more milk and late night chaos. I change stinky diapers while holding my breath, I sign songs, wipe tears, make bottles, wipe spit up on my yoga pants because honestly who cares what I look like, hope naptime will be long and tear-free, softly cry when looking at the wrinkled bags under my eye, enjoy a cocktail every night while I take a moment to breathe ... and I hardly leave the house because it's 37 degrees outside.
Sometimes when my husband gets home from work I talk to him as if he too is 4 months old. I am annoyed by women with singletons who attempt to relate to my chaos. I probably should stop cussing soon because I don't want their first words to be (expletive).
Brain don't work. Honestly, if I could leave the house -- you know, if it wasn't 37 degrees outside -- I don't think I'd want to because taking newborns twins outside is a pain in the ass. OK, gotta go, one of them just woke up from their nap.
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